Harm another one, Officer!

      I'm Finding it very interesting that one can find stats of how many officers have been harmed in the line of duty, but one can never find the definite numbers of people harmed by them!  Looks more and more like a police-state-of-affairs to me!  The USA Today let us know that fewer and fewer officers are getting harmed at work.  (This is great news!)  But they do not mention that the # harmed by officers has had a gross increase in the same span of time!  The punishment for officers who inflict harm onto victims has also decreased greatly.  We need to hold them accountable while we still have a voice.  If we wait around too much longer we will not be able to right the wrong.  Let us stand and use the freedoms that this country was founded on.

So Long to the Independence Center from a LOOOONG time shopper.

Dear Independence Center;


I was quite upset after last night’s attempt to shop at your mall. I have been going to your mall as the central arena for my shopping needs since I was a child in the 1980’s. I still remember the mezzanines, with their burgundy carpet, that were the centermost part of the mall up above the food court. I always loved walking up and down them as a child with my mother pushing my sister in a stroller. I even made games of thinking what toys I’d wish to race up and down the ramps that I got from the Children’s Palace on the 3rd floor.

Though I may not have set any records in the amount of money that I have spent in your mall, I have spent a great deal of my hard earned money in your establishment, year after long year. I practically kept Sam Goody in business, all by myself, during Junior High and High school. As I grew up, I was always buying books at Border’s, scented things at Nature’s Niche, and taking my wife to get clothing at Torrid and Hot Topic. I have also been a regular shopper at Kay’s and have bought my suits and other nice clothes at Sears for almost all of my adult life along with all of my sports jerseys and jackets.

But last night while I was in your mall I was not greeted well or treated like a long time shopper. From the time I walked out of Sears and into the main area I was made to feel unwelcome to spend my money there. I was followed by two different officers patrolling your mall. They did not even try to make it look as though they were not directly watching and following me. It was so bad that one time I walked out of a shop and the officer was still standing outside the shop from where he’d stopped to watch me enter it. It got to the point that I did not ever wish to shop anymore in a mall where I was profiled with no probable cause.

I have never been kicked out of your mall; and having been alone I was certainly not breaking the: You cuss, You Yell, Groups of 5 +, or dress code rules that you have up as a standard of conduct. (I was wearing a button up white shirt with pens in the breast pocket, blue work slacks, and black shoes with a matching leather belt.) I was not causing any kind of scene, nor was I acting in any way outside of a normal shopper trying to choose the right gifts for their loved ones for the coming holidays.

I have to say this experience has made me want to never shop at your mall again. This kind of harassment of people who come to your mall wishing to spend money has been the down fall of other malls such as “The Mall of the Great Plains” and many others in recent years. In hard economic times one should never try to keep a patron, who wishes to spend money, away from any retail store. Retail has been one of the hardest hit industries and needs no further damage done to it.

I make part of my living making the community aware of injustice and wrong doing done to individuals. You have just added another issue for me to aware the public of Kansas City to. I will miss your mall, but I think you may miss the patrons of your mall much more greatly now that I will try to keep them from being harassed by those who are paid to protect shoppers like them, and myself, in your mall.



No Thank You,


Former Guest.

Why?

A story has broken out of two Kansas City Police officers who have spent over a year in jail because of a shooting that took place in a park they were patrolling. The story goes that they were patrolling the park when a gun man opened fire on them. He charged at them while continuing to fire on the officers, and the officers returned fire, killing the man. The main evidence in their favor is footage taken from the squad car. It shows that this man was coming after them, and they were firing back in self-defense.


That! Is the reason we give police the right to carry guns! They were protecting their own lives from a man who was trying to harm them. These police did not act maliciously or try to inflict harm as their first, minute provocation. Their firing on this man was in self defense.

Why did this go this far into the trial procedures? I loved that they saw jail time like any other citizen would have. But, a year later they are just getting cleared? They had footage of a man firing on them while running towards them. Unless there were other elements to the story (like not trying to get a hold of emergency medical assistance, or shooting at him when he was down and no longer a visible threat) this seems exceccive.   By what I have found, these officers used lethal force when it was a serious incident where their own lives were at serious risk.

I found all of this asinine! Especially when one is to consider the numbers of times police have shot someone in the back and killed them.  Or when they killed an unarmed individual because they were scared. Or when a minor is killed when nonlethal force could have/should have been used. Or the instances where a loved one calls for assistance because someone they cherish is suicidal; but the police do not try to help this person save their life, but shoot them instead. With all of these cases where justice was not served, and innocent members of our society were killed by those sworn to protect us, tax dollars and court time have been wasted on a case that should have never gone on this long. These officers have had the one commodity that can never be returned to them, taken from them. (Time)

I wrote this article from my true feelings. For all those who try to use a broad brush and paint me as a “cop hater”, I am not. All I ask for is justice and accountability of those who take the oath to serve and protect the community and citizens where they serve. They should never be rewarded for instilling fear onto those in their jurisdiction or killing them without serious cause.

If an officer kills out of anything but self defense they should see the consequences of their actions. And when we have good cops, who got into bad positions, let’s not make them wish that they did not defend themselves. Let us not keep good cops off the streets because of politics, or a lack of "brotherly love" within the police fraternity. Real “Blind Liberty” Justice needs to return. It was what our country was founded upon, and we need to return to it, one step at a time, with each and every day making us closer and closer to that goal.

The Top Has the Real Vote.

A country could be in grave danger and in turmoil. But as long as those with the power are unaffected by this turmoil.  They will tell everyone that everything is just fine and there is no need for change.  They don't want to see that.


The president is only the human being on top of the political system. He is only the face of a huge government. The fuel is money. Money is brought in through funding by big business. Those who provide the funds/fuel are those who run these large businesses. So, for good or bad, big business runs America and the average tax payer gets the smallest voice of all in a system built upon representation by citizenship.

A Dead Body for Another Dead Body is Not Right... It's Just Right.

The man who killed four police officers in a Washington coffee house is dead. When he was found, he ran, and was shot in the back until he died. The gun was empty and the police officer had had his revenge. He was just as dead as those officers, and he was killed in a very similar fashion. The blood thirsty will say it was justice. But how is killing without trial justice?


The days of criminal hearings are going out the window when these kinds of acts are allowed. He wasn’t stopped. He was gunned down. He was killed just like his victims, and the officer will be praised, not reprimanded.

This is further proof that we let those with badges get away with anything. They do some good acts of selfless heroism, and all the bad things just go away and are unnoticed. It just shows once again how a Christian society is a flawed society. No matter what one does, as long as they pray, they are all-right in the eyes of the Lord, and will see no punishment. Just the same in our society, the only difference is these guys have guns and badges instead of a book and a pulpit.

Kill a man with orders; you’re a hero. (We won’t mention Nazis here….) But if one kills because they feel like they have a need, they are the worst criminals on Earth. I do agree with the last statement, but those in the first category are viler to me than any killer in passion. These people kill because they can, and get away with it. All they need to do is put up a face that they don’t like to do it. (If they don’t, why do they keep the jobs they say they hate so much?)

Killing is wrong on all counts. The taking of a human life should be met harshly when taken by a person who is sworn to “preserve life at all costs”. This should be the most true when they have sworn their lives to serve and protect. This man showed that he did not wish to harm anyone but police. He had more than enough opportunity to harm others, but he made it a point not to harm them.

From this situation, the police across the nation took it as the opportunity to say, “Hold on! Once we feel safe (by killing this man), we will go back to doing the job you pay us for. But not before.   We just like getting paid, and wanna feel safe doing it.  Fuck you all unamred civillians till then!"

Scared Cops = a High Body Count of Innocent Lives.

What happened in Washington was awful. But those people did not die without being shown a huge amount of sorrow and sympathy towards their families. As Mark A Clements put it best, “All cops are good cops when they die”. I am sure if Harvey Keitel’s character in Bad Lieutenant were real, even he would have been memorialized.

The news did not make a huge issue of it, but the female cop, Linda Griswold, had actually had a pretty good body count herself during her time on the planet. She had killed several people, and was able to justify her actions through being a police officer. Did that make her death right? Probably not. But maybe if the God that everyone keeps telling about me is real and actually exists, there might just be justice in the world after all. Karma was served.

I feel that human life is sacred and our society has devaluated it more and more with each passing year. Linda showed this herself through her actions. It has been said time and again she was very aggressive and would use violence and force any time she was able to justify it. Others will ask, “What about the other three?” I will say that it is still tragic. But in a case where someone is shot incorrectly by the police; if they are close to an assailant that is posing a threat to the police their death is deemed justified and the officers are not punished. This is even true in the case of children. (I may get flack for this one. But if you do not believe me, fine. Look up some cases yourself. You will see firsthand what I mean; some were rather high profile investigations.) Maybe these other officers were just in the way, and in the wrong place, for a rogue servant of God.

Was God simply doing justice that could not be served in a court room? Maybe… When the plagues came down upon Egypt, not everyone who lived there was guilty of the Pharaoh’s sins. But they suffered more cruelly than the royalty did just for living in that country during his misdeeds.

This should also turn our attention to the fact that now police are more scared than ever. The Kansas City Star reported that one office said, “He was scrutinizing every one he saw walk in and out of the convenience store he went into grab a Mountain Dew that morning”. The Seattle Times reported that a police chief said, “Now police see why it is so dangerous to work in the community.” As if any one (or all) of us have a hatred for police so volatile that we will just walk up to one and kill it.

Have we forgotten what a police officer gets for their work? A rookie cop gets $50,000 a year, some of the best health care in America, bonuses, major training, gets armed to the teeth, and has armor provided for them. Even when people say, “They rush in when everyone else is running out,” one must realize that they are not going in like some average person. They go in as protected as any one can be. In situations where “They are rushing in while everyone else is running out” they almost never die. Even when one is shot it is only a superficial flesh wound.

It really looks as though we as artists and political activists will be the ones who should be scared now. We have already seen what these Fascists do, when they are not openly scared, to those who speak their minds or wish to not look like the rest of the sheep in the flock. I know I had a state trooper put a gun to my head when he stopped me for “A plastic cover over my license plate” when I knew full well it was the political sticker I had on my car that stated that I felt George Bush was “An American Errorist”. All that happened in Washington was give police an excuse to be even more violent than ever before. I will promise you that we will see an increased body count at the hands of the police. But the saddest part of all is that these innocent Americans will not have millions looking for justice in their deaths.

Jesus is Southern Comfort.

Jesus is alot like Southern Comfort. At first consumption it feels great and peaceful; every one is your friend. One drinks more and then becomes angry. Eventually, with enough consumption, one becomes so enraged with another's dissagreement that some one evetually gets badly injured or kill.

Cannabis Sativa: Over Criminalization

I wish to start off by saying that I feel the use of marijuana is not only a huge waste of time and money, but also aids to keep people from every reaching their personal goals in life by making them lazy and fat from over eating and sloth due to the effects of the chemicals in its consumption. But, the laws that are in affect to guard against its use are far too harsh. Even if one is to say the laws are in place to help save people from the above ill effects, the ill effects brought on by the current criminalization of an individual who wishes to use this plant to get high are much greater than any harm the use of the plant would do to them. Studies have shown that the use of pot does decrease the ability for people to learn and has shown an increase in depression within long term use. But studies have never shown of people becoming violent or severely dangerous because of marijuana use.


Did you know if one is pulled over, for any reason, and even a very small amount of marijuana is found, that that person has their car impounded? They take away their vehicle just for any form of ownership of a naturally growing flower. They say it is to keep people from trafficking the drugs, but it is very rare that the person found with marijuana has enough to be considered “intent to sell”. Even if we want to keep the laws as is to limit drug trafficking, can we at least keep the impoundment limited to cases where there is enough of the drug to be considered “intent to sell or distribute”? We have seen this very thing abused of late.

Police are under investigation in Liberty, MO for allegedly planting drugs into high end SUVs so that they could buy them later at police auctions for a fraction of their book value. Let us hope this is not the case, but I have heard on numerous occasions of people going through Liberty and being stopped for reasons that they saw had no foundation and being ticketed on suspicious grounds when it was their word against a police officer’s and they could not fight the penalty handed to them. If the police are truly innocent let it come to light. But if they are guilty, I hope they see severe punishment for such a sick and twisted crime; one where people are put into cages and lose their vehicle and freedom due to one who is working within the law’s greed and covetousness of another’s property. Accountability needs to exist in all forms if law and order is to exist.

Fear and Death

Faces lit up with desire. It was the night of nights and everyone was there. Only one more hour. One more to know. One more to see. One more to be. But wait.


It had already happened then! Then had been and came to stay. The feeling was one that never went away. It sat inside their souls and ate away like a cannibal at the fire side of their destruction.

First to go were those with forward thoughts and desires. Those that saw what was there and were open about it and to it.

Next were those who did not believe in the cannibal teachings of long ago. They were taken the farthest away. Their cages and chains made just for them. (They were feared the most.)

Then those who say no reason to kill just because they were told to do so. They had no passion for the act and could not be convinced. They were forced and put onto the front of battle.

Then the scared and frail ruled the earth because they took everyone else away. Till disease took them away as well, to leave the earth to the animals that they so long denied.

Drunk Death to Tax Dollars

Taxes were increased and budgets moved so that a new campaign for the stoppage of drunk drivers could start. But, the Kansas City Star has just announced that fatal vehicle accidents, due to alcohol, have increased! This increase in taxes has done nothing to keep Mid-West driver's safer. We saw this first hand when a Fort Osage teenager was killed by an underage drunk driver in Independence just a few weeks ago.


It seems like all of the campaign money was spent on the advertisement of the program; and none of it spent on what it was named for. The slogan writers must have made a killing writing phrases like: “You drink, you drive, you lose” (Not too far off considering the loss of lives that have not been prevented.) “Over the limit, Under arrest”, (I only wish they followed through on that one.)

Plus, we cannot forget all the money spent on prime time television commercials! They looked good, all professionally done and slick! Shoot, just think of all the air time that had to be paid for. One could not watch television without seeing that commercial.

I see it much like 90’s cartoons that spoke out against deforestation. They saw a huge beautiful tree cut down and put onto a belt to be shaved down, then after all the shaving was done, an elevator button dropped out of the product door. When told that elevator button sales were a great market (I will not take the time to bludgeon my reader about the analogy to scare tactics and money here.) our heroes would ask what happened to the rest of the tree. At that, the shot moved to a fire and we see all the rest of the tree being dropped into it to burn for no other reason than to get rid of what was left… This seems to be what they did with our tax dollars to remove drunk drivers.

From now on, please use the money for something other than scare tactics. It didn’t work; it won’t work that way, and hundreds have paid for the mistake with their lives.

Veteran's Day.

It may be contraversial.... But... When has that stopped me in the past? 



The Nazis are veterans who were just following orders to kill all those innocent people, too. The civillian body count in Iraq alone is 94,008 – 102,574. Have we avenged ourselves on the innocent enough, yet?? (The 9-11 attackers took the lives of 2,819 Americans officially.)


This is not an attempted to rip on the soldiers risking their lives each and every day in the name of the United States.  This statement goes out to show the mantality/mentality of the US people; and attempt to open the eyes of those individuals to the numbers of lives taken in this horrible, unjust, and uninvited war.  Nearly 4,500 of our troops have lost thier lives as well. 


(These numbers only reflect the totals at the time of this blog posting.)

Fort Hood, The President, and Death of Needless Proportions.

Tragedy is on everyone’s mind. What is to be said of those events that took place? Much. Too much. But at the same time, not nearly enough. Those who died on November 5th will be remembered not just today, but for history. These events were not like events that had taken place in the past; but many of the details have been lied about and only given has half truths to the American people. To not speak out about these tragedies, that align themselves with this memorial service, would be as Un-American as not taking the time to remember these fallen men and women.

President Obama stated many beautiful and eloquent statements during his speech at Fort Hood. Some of them, I feel, spoke to any American who listened; others would have been caught up into the emotion of the situation, and others would have listened and been astonished, taken back, and ashamed. He stated that those who gave thier lives will be remembered, and that they will be seen as heroes. All of that was very true. These were great people. Two of them were highly educated and very intelligent. One could barely speak English when he came to the United States but learned and went on to get a PhD. in psychology. A very challenging field when language can be a barrier. Another was educated in medicine and was so dedicated that he returned to serve only three weeks after a heart attack, all at the age of 62.

But, the ceremony was very religiously baised. Prayers from very Christian perspectives were given, and readings from the book of Christian basis were read several times. The President even made mention of god several times in his speech and said,” "No faith justifies these murderous and craven acts; no just and loving God looks upon them with favor". Sadly, this is very false. Even quoting the same book they used one will read the heinous acts of violence there in, such as:

God then told them to do the same to King Og of Bashan. The Israelites therefore "slaughtered them and left no survivor.” The book of Psalms cites these massacres as proof that the Lord's "love endures forever." In resettling the Israelites after the Egyptian sojourn, God instructed them to steal the land of seven nations. And he told them to "not to leave any creature alive. You shall annihilate them. . . ." As a result, the Israelites utterly wiped out various peoples. An example is when Joshua's army attacked Jericho and "put everyone to the sword, men and women, young and old. . . ." Later, the Lord told Joshua to do the same to the people of Ai. In obedience to the Lord's commands, Joshua's army did likewise too many other cities. The Israelites "put every living soul to the sword until they had destroyed every one; they did not leave alive any one that drew breath." If the accounts given in the Bible are accepted, there were millions of men, women, and children exterminated in this conquest of the Promised Land. Even forced sex is consecrated when, “So he ordered the soldiers to "kill every male dependent, and kill every woman who has had intercourse with a man, but spare for yourselves every woman among them who has not had intercourse." Shortly thereafter, God gave Moses instructions for distributing the captive virgins among the fighting men and the community.

Our president also stated that the shooter was kept alive so he could stand trial. This was to show how the American justice system is right and just. This is sadly very untrue. This man will stand trial if he survives to that time; but to anyone who takes the time to discern what was really going on, they will know that he was kept alive to be questioned; and to see if he was working alone, or with a group as a matter of national security and military intelligence. What they will not tell you is that he will probably be tortured to get the information out of him if he does not speak openly of what his motives were. I am far to say what he did was right. But to make a charade of the justice system further undermines the legal system that the United Sates uses, and furthermore, the bold faced lies of the Commander and Chief further undermine the public’s view of him. I know I would actually feel safer if he did tell us why this man was kept alive, and that every last bit of information would be gotten out of him for the sake of national security and safety. Sugar coating actions this serious has a feeling of making the American people feel less capable of grasping and comprehending the severity of the situation. It is just as bad/sad as when the Bush administration made us feel in danger at all times with “terror alerts” and grossly exaggerated claims of a country wishing to do harm to the United States with “weapons of mass destruction”. Additionally, that we should lean on the government because we could never survive without their complete control and our allowance of their decisions at all costs.

This also seems divergent of what really stemmed this war. It has been proven time and again that Iraq was not a part of the 9-11 attacks. They did not have the backing of Al-Qaeda, nor were they backing Al-Qaeda. Yes, they did meet a few times, but it was seen that they had “ideological differences” that kept them from teaming up together no matter what their “common enemy” was. It was just like the Black Panthers and the KKK wishing to get together because they believed unilaterally in racial purity; but they disagree so greatly on what race “is pure” and what religion is “right” that they could never work together.

Also, many soldiers enlisted to retaliate against those who were a part of the crashing of planes into the Twin Towers. Even one of those lost in the Fort Hood shootings is now famously remembered as saying that when she was told that she could not take on Bin Laden by herself she retorted, “Watch me!” I would hope that we can see that these soldiers wished to help their country. They did not wish to find themselves killing innocent women, children, and the elderly in a country that did not attack the United States. They now see that America’s involvement in Iraq as more “imperialistic expansion” than any bit of “protecting Americans from terrorists”. They know firsthand terrorists were not in great numbers in Iraq until it was seen by these extremists as a place where they could engage Americans in battle. Let us not lose focus of what is truly important to the American people. Let our sights not be taken from the real issues of life and death of our fellow Americans, (civilian and military) in matters of true importance, that affect the American people, not just today, but for generations to come.

War as Population Control.

War as population control has been around since the beginnings of over-population in humanity. It did not start out as the killing of the lower classes by command of the higher classes. It had a much more “innocent” start.


At first, one group would be in need of what another group had in its possession. Sometimes the needing side would ask for assistance. But, if they were in-able due to language barriers or refusals in communication this would result in stealing. If they were caught, or this did not bring in a sufficient amount of the needed products, violence would break out.

The attacking side would benefit most from conquer. But even if they were unsuccessful, they gain by being fewer in numbers. This caused a lessened burden on resources because fewer people were consuming them. Even when a side lost, it still gained. This was the population control where predation and succumbing to disease did not thin out numbers efficiently enough.


Some have said that war is the “failsafe” genetically implanted into humanity to conquer over-population. This may not be too far off when one is to look to nature. Spiders, while in the egg sac, with eat their brothers and sisters if the outside environment is inclimate for them to break out. Primates fight and kill each other in groups and bands if they do not have the recourses to survive. (Much the same way unarmed humans do.) Frogs and alligators will eat their own kind if they are the only other life in their dwelling. So really, killing in a war like fashion seems to be pretty natural, especially when we take in primates into the equation.


But like anything that humanity has had, power takes over and abuse takes hold of even the most natural of tendencies. Those with power learned that they could get people to fight and die for a cause as long as the story was good enough and believable enough to convince the people to take arms and fight. (In some cases an outright forcing of military service was issued.)


I believe Justin Sane wrote the best analysis in “Anatomy of Your Enemy”. Here he stated:

Ten easy steps to create an enemy and start a war
Listen closely because we will all see this weapon used in our lives
It can be used on a society of the most ignorant
To the most highly educated, we need to see these tactics as a weapon
Against humanity and not as truth

This is how to create an enemy
This is how to start a war
This is how to create an enemy

First step
Create the enemy
Sometimes this will be done for you

Second step
Be sure the enemy you have chosen is nothing like you
Find obvious differences like race, language, religion
Dietary habits, fashion

Emphasize that their soldiers are not doing a job
They are heartless murderers who enjoy killing

Third step
Once these differences are established
Continue to reinforce them with all disseminated information

Fourth step
Have the media broadcast only the ruling party's information
This can be done through state run media

Remember, in times of conflict
All for-profit media repeats the ruling party's information
Therefore all for-profit media (is) state-run

Fifth step
Show this enemy in actions that seem strange, militant or different
Always portray the enemy as non-human, evil, a killing machine

This is how to create an enemy
This is how to start a war
This is how to create an enemy

Sixth step
Eliminate opposition to the ruling party
Create an "Us versus them" mentality
Leave no room for opinions in between

One that does not support all actions of the ruling party
Should be considered a traitor

Seventh step
Use nationalistic and or religious symbols
And rhetoric to define all actions

This can be achieved by slogans such as
"Freedom loving people versus those who hate freedom"
This can also be achieved by the use of flags

Eighth step
Align all actions with the dominant deity
It is very effective to use terms like
"It is God's will" or "God bless our nation"

Ninth step
Design propaganda to show that your soldiers have feelings
Hopes, families and loved ones
Make it clear that your soldiers are doing a duty
They do not want or like to kill

Tenth step
Create an atmosphere of fear and instability
Then offer the ruling party as the only solution
To comfort the public's fears
Remembering the fear of the unknown is always the strongest fear

This is how to create an enemy
This is how to start a war
This is how to create an enemy

We are not countries, we are not nations
(Enemy)
We are not religions, we are not Gods
We are not weapons, we are not ammunition
(Enemy)
We are not killers, we will not be tools

Motherfuckers
I will not die, I will not kill
I will not be your slave
I will not fight your battle

I will not die on your battlefield
I will not fight for your wealth
I am not a fighter
I am a human being

( http://popup.lala.com/popup/2017894142681546894 To hear this song.)

Here we see just what has been done, throughout time, to start a war. But what is gained in our modern war practices? The ruling class decreases the numbers of the less privileged in their country so less has to be fought for and split. Those on top will be able to keep a greater amount to themselves because they will be some of the few who are left. They will see that what they feel is theirs will not be taken away by those that they feel are undeserving. (The commodities and privileges that only the “high society” should get to have.) Those who are lower in social status will be killed or at least be removed from competition. This helps to remove some very legitimate fears that higher classes can have during economic struggles.


These are: higher taxes for those who have much, being robbed by those in need, or seeing both of these scenarios escalate together to culminate into civil war where they will have to fight on a side, or be the opposing side. There they would lose much, even if they win. (It is just the opposite of when primitive man fought a war. So they need to keep this from happening.)

To deflect this occurrence these higher classes divert the anger from themselves onto another target. Then, they become the people who make money off of wars and are not a side that could/will lose as greatly as if they had allowed war to break against them in their home land. They often own the companies who make the materials for war. So, they win on a triple level. Not only do they get to get rid any competition from underneath, they also make money off the spoils, and they are protected by the government and the people because they are now seen as helpers for the “good cause” and deflected from being seen as the enemy or hoarders of strongly desired goods and privileges that the lower classes are not allowed to have.

Lemmings, or People?

If a 'thinker' thinks like every one else, he is not a thinker. He will be just another lemming, ready to jump off the cliff in a mad rush for the words "freedom" and "opportunity".

Lemming Mentality.

If a 'thinker' thinks like every one else; he is not a thinker. He is just another lemming, ready to jump off the cliff with the others, in a mad rush to die.

Facebook.

Impraesentiarum immo conveho facebook.

Every time I talk to a Mid-Westerner

Fidem vix terra inaccessus tantillus Thespiensis ulcissor exspiro facinus fidem praestare.

Near Death and Thoughts

How interesting the change is. I remember being high school. I may not have looked the part of the nerd; but to know me, I was. I played in the band, spent almost all of my free time in my room reading a book, practicing the bass trombone, reading pen-pal letters, writing letters to pen-pals, or listening to music, if not doing a combination of all of these things. But most of my time was taken up by school and church. In both I played in the musical groups. If it was music, a Christian organization, or both I was involved. The whole time I was questioned about what I believed and how I could. If they encouraged me (in the collective student body I was a part of) it was to tear me down when I was not around, or when they thought I was out of earshot.

As I grew, I took more interest in things that did not just praise a man who was said to live in the sky and be the reason I was going to spend my after-life in the sky with him, I started to study psychology and Eastern Religion/philosophy. (They are intertwined exclusively because their practice is mysticism.) I learned the pleasant feelings one feels during the “religious experience” are only chemical releases in the brain. This same effect can be found in non religious people when they go to a musical concert. The combinations of the number of people in the congregation, the words used by those leading, the volume level and timbers of the music, and personal psychologies can practically be calculated to have the same (or nearly same, so it does not seem preordained by man) effect each time. It’s that warm, ‘loved’ feeling that comes about during the service. Of course, it will be stated that it is not always there...

But, I stated that personal psychologies are a large contributing factor. If one is not in the correct mind set, this effect cannot be achieved. This same point of conjecture has been used many times during church services; I had been to, to explain that god was not always as present in their lives. Their lack of religious experience was said to be due to not perfectly adhering to the specific dogmas of their denomination. In all actuality they were just not in the correct mindset to be hypnotized by the service.

Taking information like this, and other reading and studies I had done lead me to look elsewhere. (Not to mention actually reading the book Christianity bases itself on.) Once I got to college, I met a beautiful blond who had a genius level intellect and was practicing Buddhism. It seemed from our first time hanging out; we were meant to be best friends forever. She taught me parts of the world I had been long sheltered from. She helped to teach me of the things I had only read of in books. And when I was lucky, we would get to experience brand new things together.

Through new experiences and interactions I continued to grow and learn. Not all of these new experiences were good. A few were: working places full of drug addicts, being without any transportation other than my feet, and having my life threatened by those who are sworn to sever and protect lives. But in each I took away from it a great wealth. I saw why I never wanted to get into drugs, on a second hand basis, and learned the hard way about car care and when one is getting ripped off by a mechanic and what it was like to look at death.

During these hard times I had one very near death experience. (I have written elsewhere about the near death experience, so I won’t go into that here.) But several times I had my life threatened by those who wear a badge and carry a gun. Such as one time I was stranded on the side of the road.

My car was stuck in a mud hole, and no matter what I did I could not get out of it. I tried going forward and back ward but my car would not budge. When trying to get my car unstuck didn’t work I tried knocking on the doors of the businesses in the area. But it was late and no one was in. I started home on foot...

A while later a car stopped behind me. Being grateful that any one stopped, I turned, and looked at the vehicle for a moment, I walked towards the car. I was going to lean into the passenger side window, and see what the driver may offer as help. Before I got that far I had a mag-light and the barrel of a service pistol pointed in my face! I barely heard what the fat ass was saying for the fact that I was shitting myself from the shear shock and the extreme use of force!

After yelling that I was totally unarmed and that I was just stuck up the road (To which he told me he had already seen) he had me get into his patrol car and we went back to where my car was. He did not helping me get my car out of the mess, but he accused me of trying to break into ever building in the area. He proceeded to check ever last door and window for any sign of break-in in the whole area! Thankfully there was no indication of the sort inflicted by anyone because he would have pinned it on me!

It was easy to see that I had been driving, unable to tell that the mud puddle was a perfectly still pool and not a paved area. The lack of adequate lighting only exacerbated the problem. Plus I was rather angry that the fat fuck never indicated that he was a police officer till after he told me to get in his car. He did not have his cop lights on, or said he was the police even while pointing a loaded weapon at me!

Then there was the time my wife got out of the hospital. She was in a crash she was lucky to come away from. And after the shoddy care she got at the hospital, was lucky to be alive. As part of her recovery regiment she was told to walk as often as she could. I worked nights, so when I got off we went for walks. Though usually never a problem...

This night was a mistake! The college kids had just come back from mom and dad’s basement and were parting at full tilt. One reject decided his lack of being able to get laid due to lack of people skills, attractiveness, and any form of respect for any one needed to be taken out on the next person his drunken ass laid eyes on. He passed my wife and me on a bike, and started whistling and saying that he wanted to join us for a three some and loved how cute a lesbian couple we were. As he got closer he saw that I was, in reality, a guy and proceeded to tell me I was gay... Nearly perplexed, I turned and yelled to him, “You, being a guy, whistling to a guy, and telling him how cute he is, is gay. I am holding hands with my wife that you just thought was SOOOOOO hot. That makes me not gay.”

This infuriated this pink shirted bastard to no end. Trying to seem like a bad ass, he circled us while riding a girl’s bike. He kept taunting me, telling me my wife was a whore, and begging me to fight him. Then he got off of his bike and started to tell me to throw the first punch. I’m pretty annoyed by this point. But, mostly, I am worried about my wife, who still feels bad and has not even been able to return to work, let alone was in a state to fight with some drunken fat ass. As this sad joke continues to play out, I was starting to wonder what I would do if this turned into something real. I didn’t wanna get my butt kicked; but if I beat him up I’d be up for assault charges. I tried to play it cool, but when he shoved my wife out of the way and went for my throat, I shoved him away and my hand brushed past my phone! I didn’t usually carry it with me because a phone call during a walk seems to end its serenity. But finding that I had not taken it out of my pocket was a great relief.

I took it out and dialed the police. Once he heard who I was calling he tried to run off. In the attempt to mount the bike, he fell onto it three different times. After he had ridden away the police got there and surrounded my wife and me with guns drawn. They were yelling at me to stay where I was and not to move. It took five times for me to convince this guy that I called for him to help me!
After this long, and nearly pointless, exchange of words I eventually convinced this dense, gun totting, hack that I was in need of assistance; not to be shot! He then gets a message on his radio that they got the guy who attacked my wife and me and needed us to identify him.

When we get there the pink shirt is crying like a child and waving his arms around like some kindda nut. The driver asks us if that is him, and we tell him it is. He gets out of the patrol car and talks to the other officers at the scene. The pink shirt attacker is lifting up his shirt and showing some injury that is bleeding. After seeing this, the officer who drove us there walks up to me and demands that I give him my knife. I don’t have a knife, and I tell him so. I told him the pink shirt guy fell on his bike several times trying to get away. But, no matter what I said he was not convinced, and took me to the station. I spent all night in a cell, got finger printed, had to give a statement, and tell them I started the fight before they would let me go! Then, I had to meet with one of the university higher-ups to plead my case to him to remain a student! All that for asking the police to help me! I have never done that again! (As a side note, I later found out that the bike the guy was on was stolen from some local girl.)

Of late I have been talking with people I went to high school with. Most of them have kids, families, careers, and a new found love for Jesus! These same people were the ones who made fun of me for doing the same thing when I was immature and naive durring high school. Now it is the greatest thing that has ever happened in their lives. They LOVE Jesus and will not stop talking about how amazing he is and the paradise that awaits them. Nor do they stop persecuting those who do not believe what they do, constantly saying that hell awaits anyone who doesn’t believe just like them.

I cannot help but to just look at what they type and wonder what happened. These people should be wiser than this. Many of them went to good schools where logic and reason are taught. But now they insist upon an ideology far removed from logic. Back in high school they had a more firm concept of A+B=C types of logical proofs. They have regressed from where they were in their teens! And call me a fool!

I have been the one who has nearly died and had his live threatened several times. (By the “good guys”.)I have not finished a degree. (I really want to.) I have done all I can not to settle into life and become complacent; to learn and to be what I have dreamed to be and to not let my dreams fall away and die... But I am called a fool to no longer believe -the 2000 year old zombie who only showed himself to friends after being reanimated- story. Shouldn’t I be the one wishing and hoping for pipe dreams of paradise because I have come so close to seeing my life blinked out of existence? I have not quite gotten to that place I have always wanted to achieve. Shouldn’t I just want to sit around waiting for paradise to come to me? After all that has happened, that would seem the most logical, right? But that is not what I have chosen to do. I will continue to fight and rally for all that I want and desire. I will never give up.

But, I will end with saying that maybe what is logical is to say that they now have to hold onto these pipe dreams. Because if these dreams are true, it will be the only thing that will ever happened to them.

Why do we not tax churches?

I have stopped donating money to anything untill churches are taxed.

Technobabble.

Technology has increased, but humanity's ability to logically understand the world around it, has decreased.

The Glow.

“Come into the light. Come see me, feel me, touch me.” The voices seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. The voices came from my own head. I looked into the room where they tried to keep me for so many years. I was too stifled there to breathe. I was being told exactly what to feel and how to think. The presents of that glowing tube was always there. Though not always on, it never seemed to be off. Every image was there; but it always moved. It told a story, or it “informed”. Why do we have this glowing box in our home?

It feels just like when we have certain books around ourselves, at all times, but they are never read. I have known several people who carry one specific book all the time; but they know almost nothing of what is written inside. It is just like carrying a brief case that only comic books are kept.

An ideology stands. There they put a famous man, said to have conquered death. But all the things he claimed to have said… They act in an exact opposite manor. “To offer the other cheek” of yourself has turned to “Blow their mother-fucking face OFF!”

Even the view of “God and Country” is blasphemous. He stated to “Give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s” to keep him out of harm, and to tell his followers to only do only what is absolutely needed for the government you are under. Pay you “debt” to society but to never forget what is most needed and asked for.




How can it so easily be misconstrued?

Small town fears.

Yesterday, I was wasting time, and chatting away my life with a few past friends and co-workers long lost to time. As is always the case, they asked what I am doing with myself these days. I tell em how I am looking for the 9-5, and in the mean time, doing as much writing as I can get in with my limited ability at the craft. At this they always ask what I am writing and the same answer always comes about. I tell em I’m working on a couple of novels and I am working on a work of political ethics/philosophy that I am very proud of. They press to know more... As per the usual, I tell them more of the specifics and, usually, they become more intrigued. Not this time!

As soon as I mention the occult (nothing more than the simple use of the word) and they suddenly disappear and I get a message telling me I am no longer able to converse with this person through facebook. No issue to me. I never really had any significant conversations with her before, anyways. So, I thought nothing of it.

But, then - I get a threatening e-mail from her husband. (Whom I have never talked with in the whole of my life.) He told me to never contact her again and that there was no way I could have known her in real life. (I worked at the same place she did for YEARS...) My only response was to the e-mail was the only 1 I saw to be correct to the situation, “The only one doing/saying anything threatening is you. And if you ever do it again I will go to a higher power source.” Thankfully I did not hear from him again, but it sure helped me to remember why I am taking the time to write what I am; maybe it will have an impact and help to get rid of that kind of fear and open hatred. Maybe not, but I will have done what I could with what I saw as the best way to get it done. (More on that later.)

Where did the great writers go?

        What do I find to love?  To fill my time with? Books, my wife, a few people, and my thoughts, are my most pleasurable things. Each day comes and goes. But when I look back on my day, and find myself the happiest, it is when I have sat and read, talked with my wife for hours, and got to spend my time thinking over what I read, and where those thoughts lead me for the day.

       It is rare to find me reading the work of a writer that is alive today. So few current writers have found anything new to write about, and their style does not touch what was done over one hundred years ago. Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Crowley, Nietzsche, and Heidegger changed literature as it was known. They took the narrative and found new ways to express it and bestow information upon us that enlightened us.


       Tolstoy told history like no other thought it could be done. Dostoevsky finally got one deeply into the mind of his characters. One knew just what they were thinking without needing to be told. In The Idiot we could see and feel the interactions of the characters, not just from what actually took place in his words, but from what they were thinking and feeling. We knew the emotions and internal conflicts more than any other part of this amazing novel. We almost didn’t care about the action until it finally exploded, and forced us take account of its happenings.

       Crowley and Nietzsche made us question the world and all our former religious beliefs. No longer did we just go into our religious congregations and simply follow what we were being told for face value any more. Both were deemed the Anti-Christ for looking into what was actually there, deeply and philosophically. No longer would the interpretations of the pulpit be solely satisfactory. They refused to simply believe what was told to them, and  taking the Buddha’s advice, questioned everything. And if that was not shocking enough; their use of language put them far above any other writer during their time. Reading their work has a flow that did not come out of any other writer. Even the headiest concepts of Nietzsche just flowed without hesitation. While any other writer would have stumbled to find the right words (and how to connect these ideas onto a page with cohesion)  this man knew just how to write so one is not only drawn into beautiful and poignant ideas, but it awed by its flow and perfect decorum of word usage. One’s only regret of reading him will be that there is not enough! The heart aches for more but there is none!

       Heidegger took the ideas of all the great thinkers before him. He gathered all of them together and created a new frame work of use; a new and useful system that awed and transfixed its readers. And if the ideas and intermingling of these thoughts and practices were not enough, he changed German word usage to what it is today. These changes not only affected the readers of his country, and his time, but changed language around the world. “Nesses” added to the end of a word would not impact us as it does today if were not for his writings; and that is only one example. Even translations of books, in other languages, are now translated with the current way of word usage brought about by Heidegger’s sentence and word structure. Even those who were too simpleminded to understand his theories benefited by this man’s ability to write and express himself in printed word.



Will literature one day return to these great minds and writers? Or will we suffer to be spoon fed by simpletons and baboons of the human languages forever? I only hope we return to seeing what the greatest did, and learn.

Mid-West Mantality

Rule #1.

What is it, you may ask? It is the mental capacity and social interactions that take place between men in the Mid-West of the United States of America. These characteristics may exist in other parts of the country, and the world, but my experience is here in the Mid-West. (Kansas City and some of the surrounding rural areas to be specific.)

The first and foremost rule is to be forgetful. This is the most important part of social interactions. (At least for them to work well.) If you are one with a good to great memory you are the rude one. Let me explain. People have the most traumatic, and the most extremely pleasurable, memories in the forefront of their minds at all times. You will easily be able to remember something like a perfect wedding, being shot, or a traumatic car accident. These are always at the very tip of your mind, and this is true of anyone who has lived as a member of our modern-thinking-public. Delving deeply into ones memory is taboo because that takes real thought and mental work to accomplish. So, these few stories that sit in the easily reached part of the mind are told over and over again. It is just easy for the story teller this way. As a listener, if you remember the story and choose not to sit through it again, you are rude. But oddly it is not seen as rude that the story teller is taking up twice as much of your life than is necessary.

My favorite quote I took away from a college professor was, "The only irreplaceable commodity is time. You can always make money, but you can never replace your time."

This will run counter to my professor's wise words, but; the remedy (and aiding substance) for this problem with story telling and listening, is alcohol. This is the perfect elixir for both sides of the issue, and has been used to an extreme in our society.

Alcohol works by filling in part of the blood stream. It does not homogeneously mix with the blood in your veins, but creates spaces in the blood of pure alcohol. These patches of alcohol travel to the brain, and when these patches meet with brain cells (which are trying to receive nutrients and oxygen) they take in the pure alcohol and die. Drunkenness is really only a slow smothering of the brain. Each time one drinks, part of the brain dies, and the part of the brain most affected is memory and cognitive abilities. This must be why bars are so popular in the Mid-West of America. These institutions help us in our social interactions; and most people have spent so much time staring at a computer screen that they have become socially inept.

Without this social drug we cannot interact the way we should. (With social acceptably.) Most find this only to be true during the initial social event. But if one is to look at social interaction much more macro cosmically they will see that alcohol consumption is needed for its long term affects as well. To forget what one is told, watched, or read only helps increase entertainment levels at the next telling, viewing, or reading for all those involved; plus it helps keep management and trainers employed.

H1N1 vaccination is the final nail in the economic climate’s coffin.

Why are we doing this to ourselves? Anyone who has studied history and the progression of illness, we will see that high death tolls and economic boons run hand in hand. The economy suffers the most when a population is too large to be sustained by the commodities it has at hand. After the Black Plague, Europe saw the greatest economic climate the free market system has ever seen. There were 2/3 fewer people to use the same number of goods. (And services in proportion.)

People who survived received livable wages and could work in any field they wanted to enter. There was 2/3s more work than ever before, and those who survived were strongest and healthiest 1/3 of all of Europe. The world was theirs to have and their children ruled the Earth.

Unlike war as population control, letting a disease kill millions is cheap. Funerals may be expensive now, but it is because those in that market are suffering. If millions die, money will be given to this service, and it will be saved from the collapse it is looking straight in the eye. The price of a funeral will decrease because of competition and a surplus of available work.

To not vaccinate will save the world as we know it. It will bring the world’s economy back to life, it will cause more to be given freely to those who need it, the poor and weak will die off making the human gene pool stronger, and wars over limited goods will be extinguished because fewer people means more to go around.

This may sound cruel. But it is only nature’s checks and balances that we have refused to surrender to for the last century. We need to return to the balance we have refused for so long. If we don’t, we will suffer more as a race in the long run. It is just like a deer population; when we do not allow hunters to enter and kill the deer, which no longer have natural enemies, the deer eat themselves out of resources and starve to death. Let us not allow humanity to fall to the same fate.

Woman shot while needing help.

http://www.fox4kc.com/news/wdaf-kim-hudson-fifth-trial-100909,0,3898856.story

This woman (Kim Hudson) was shot twice just because the police could use force; she never left her bed. Ms. Hudson was in need of help to save her life, not to help her do away with herself. What makes this even worse is that the police office who shot her lied about what really happened, caused her father to have to spend over $140,000 to have the truth come to light, and then have the tax payers complain that the family wants to sue to recoup some of the lost money! They deserve to get that money back! I am sure the police did not pay her hospital bills, let alone all the money spent in court!

We give the police badges to serve and protect. This is a gift and a duty. They should not use their force to torture and kill. The evidence proved that she never left her bed and was was shot maliciously. Not as a serious threat to the police. The serious threat came to fruition when the police shot a woman in need of help.

But what could come to be a very real threat for Ms. Hudson, can be the police, or another member of that force, seeking retaliation for making them look like the blood thirty, trigger happy mad-men they were. I hope some one will continue to keep a watch out for her future safety, especially after they have already tried to use the excuse that "She was suicidal".

Thinking, and reading, to find out why.

If I were to say that I can feel when I should turn to a certain book, you would say I am crazy. But I can. I reach for one book, it will push me away and I will feel a repulsion and metaphysical sting. But when I reach out to read another book, or passage, I can feel myself being drawn to it. It is almost as if I was in connection with the writer and somehow am drawn magickally to the correct passage at just the right time.

This week I was drawn to Schopenhauer. It was perfect for me to read that he felt that reading books did not give ideas but only allowed the reader into the mind frame of that writer at the time of his writings of that passage. To recieve and have ideas are totally different thing. Ones need to be in the world around them to be able to truly have original thought.

Then, I read Nietzsche, and he said very similar things, but he spoke against scholars who would go through 200 books in a day and just glean a little bit of information. They were a wealth of knowledge, but of no real use because they are only telling the ideas of others they have memorized. I know when I was reading voraciously I felt that same feeling. These were great ideas but they were not my own. Pirsig wrote about needing to know the ground work of philosophy, but there is so much of it that it would take two life times just to get into the information. That time frame would only allow one to get the ground work without ever getting into their own thoughts.


Time to write mine.

Chair Legs, Duct Tape, Cops, and Strays? Where did that come from?

The police might have been tipped off by people in fear. It is not a 1st time this has come about. Fear of the unknown has always been used as a means to control the people. In the Dark Ages it was any one who opposed the Pope. During the time leading up to World War II those to fear were the Jews. During World War II, in The United States, it was anyone of oriental decent. Fear of Blacks and Hispanics, by whites, have lead to false arrests and convictions based on racial prejudices.

All of these lead to horrible occurrences. The Pope led The Crusades. Fear of the Jews caused mass exterminations of them, during World War II, at the hands of the Nazis. Fear of oriental people caused the building and use of concentration camps in the United States; with false convictions of minorities blemishing the face of the United States Judicial system. Of course I could go into many more cases, but I feel the greatest threat to liberty and freedom now is the lack of true freedom of religion in the United States. Most of this comes from the fear emanating from the citizens who are ignorant of other religion. They fear what they do not know.

My old band, The Hyred Goons, would put up fliers promoting our shows with satanic imagery to try to help us gain interest on the campus and in the community. Although we laughed about how cheesy they were our newest bassist made a comment that maybe they were taken seriously. Though we laughed at him, he felt that there was a really good chance that several of those fliers were actually on file at the police department. He knew firsthand what it was like to be feared from ignorance.

Back just before I knew him, he had been pulled out of his car and put on the ground at rifle point because “He looked like someone the police were looking for”. They tore his whole car up looking for drugs that he never had. (At that time in his life, he never imbibed alcohol on any occasion; let alone any other drug.) But because his hair is long and he wears a full faced beard he had to be scary and a criminal. No one took the time to care that that look was simple a family look that had been passed on for generations, and in all those generations, they have been very law abiding citizens. But this did teach him to fear those who carry guns.

Even as a band we were harassed by the police. Each time we got done with a rehearsal we would go for a walk around the town. We used this as a great opportunity to be together and in that time we learned a great deal about the town in which we lived in. We found the caves that were used in the Underground Railroad, we got to see the old courthouses, houses, and learn about them from the historical markers in front of them. Almost all of our walks were educational in some way. We would learn about each other, the town, or unexplored parts we’d never seen with our own eyes. One day we learned a great deal about the police.

We were talking one of our walks around town and it was Spring Cleaning for many people. They had a ton of things out at the curb. Some of it was still useful and we picked some of it up as we were on our way. Also, a dog decided to follow us on our walk.

This dog loved to walk right into oncoming traffic. It was as if the thing should have been a moth. When it saw light, there it went, right into the middle of the road so that he could be hit without any extra effort on the part of the driver. But, being the animal lovers we were, or at least not wanting to see an animal killed in front of us, we did all we could to keep this poor, dumb animal out of direct harm’s way.

One of the vehicles that we tried to save it from was a police car. We did all that we could to keep it out of the road, this included surrounding it so it was blocked from the street. As the car drove on our friend said, “I bet he’s turning around and calling for back-up”. We laughed about it. But sure enough, that is what happened. The officer stopped and told us to come to the car as another patrol vehicle come to a stop at the top of the hill. We were surrounded.

This officer took each one of us aside and asked us everything he could think of. (Not very much...) He asked us what we were doing with that dog. Though he suggested we were peeing on it, we simply said, “He keeps following us. We have never seen him before in our lives.” He asked my wife what drugs she was on and where they were. (She has never been a drug user.) He searched me. (For drugs or weapons and found nothing.) He asked what I was doing with the things I had picked up. “He’s just a pack rat and thinks he could make use of it. It was in their trash and no mess was made.” After not finding anything he could use against us, he finally allowed us to be away from his halitosis that even the gum he was chewing could not cover up.

Although harassed and belittled, it did give us the name of our album “Chair Legs, Duct Tape, Cops, and Strays” which we released on June sixth of 2006.

Go to: The Hyred Goons web page to hear it,

Either/Or A Fragmentation of my life. Was it good or bad? It sure was words on a computer screen.

Isn't it strange how some 1 you know can have such a great impact on you....?

Current mood:Indulgent

Category: Friends

On Sunday (Back in April) I had some time to sit down to a news paper. Though this is not something I do on a normal basis, I did apon this day. I was reading through the local part of the paper and came to the anniversary and engagement section. Laughing to myself, I stated that I always find myself not knowing any of those involved in these celebrations. But, as I looked through it, I chuckled that one of the ladies looked like an old friend of mine that I had, at 1 time, been very close to. Thinking that it could not be her I did not even think about it. Then I saw the names of the soon-to-be bride's parents. They were my old friend's! OMG! She's getting married to the son of one of my college professors! OMG! This is so cool. Totally a shock to no end, and I could not be happier for her. I heard she'd been through alot sence I'd been around her via her mother. So this bit of good luck and potential of great things was a great sight to see.I thought about the times I knew her and was close to her. Then I thought about how these interactions had such a great impact on my life!

I met her @ a music camp while both of us were in high school. She was very outgoing and I was quite the shy and quiet guy. She came up to me one of the days and we walked to the new library and talked for hours on end. We continued to see each other durring the camp and near it's end we exchanged e-mail addresses and went apon our seperate ways.

As time went on our e-mails turned to chatting and evetually I asked her to come to a high school homecomming dance with me. Beyond my comprehention, then or now, my mom suggested that she come and spend the weekend of the dance @ our house! She'd come up, see the game and half time show, spend that night, go to the dance the next night, stay another night, and go back home on that Sunday.This did end up working out and we had a grand time other than I was sicker than a dog. Though forbidden we spent our nights in my room talking and hanging out, swapping stories, and jumping @ every sound that came from any part of the house! @ the dance we had a wonderful, if not reserved, time being with those I knew and had introduced her to @ the game the night before. Though the week end seemed to fly by, she went back home, and soon after made a request, by e-mail, to be my girl friend. Although the relationship did not last long, she was my first girl friend. Little did I know how much more she was going to influence me.

Though only friends we continued to e-mail and chat. She told me of all the things going on in her life and eventually I learned why she had broken up with me. Though I should give more detail to my reader, I will only say that situations were of the upmost in drama and family conflict and I more than understood her need to part ways, and to be with those who could be with her in person and comfort her.

Time went on and we both got into new relationships. We still talked, but only as friends, still antisipating our next encounters at the next music camp. There I was her buddy. You'd think we'd been joined at the hip. If you saw one of us you saw the other. I was also her confessor. New life experiences had come into her life and some of them could have had life long concequences. I was there to talk w/ her and be there as the friend she needed. The week went on with us as close as ever and talks of, maybe, being a couple again. We parted ways to once again be friends through the internet.

The decision to pick my college had come to it's time limit. I needed to choose where to go. I had scholarships to any school I'd like to go to. Each audition I did was met with $ and a promise of a great education. But my friend and I had been talking alot. She was sure she was getting out of a relationship, and I was the one she wanted to be with when the timing was right. With this information I knew I wanted to be able to be near her when we made this progression, so I chose the school closest to where she lived.

I moved there in late summer to start the marching band season. Every time I had a chance to go see her I went. I was there nearly every day and durring this time my friend saw that we were not ment to be. (This also ment she had 'better' prospectives in wait.) Even though we did not get back together as a couple I became close friends with her parents at this juncture. It came that I called her mom, my mom. When I needed something a mom can only do; I'd come to her. She also became my spiritual adviser and mentor. What she taught me and showed me still affect me to this day.

Time went on and my college courses started. I made the top jazz band (as a freshman) and there I met the woman who is now my wife. My wife and I met and in that week we were the best of friends. We seemed to be what the other needed and life continued on without my old friend untill one day, much later on, we ran into each other while I was on a walk and we got to talking again. She was with a guy I went to high school with but we still wanted to catch up a bit on each other's lives. We talked and got each other's phone #s and talked very sporadically.

As time went on my life headed down hill, till one day I called this old friend to see what she was up to. She told me she was throwing an apartement warming party and I should come over and meet her friends. I was there as fast I could get there. She had drinks, and as she headed out the door to get more, she told me to help myself to what was there. She'd be back asap. Boy did I ever! I was so loaded by the time she returned I don't even remeber her getting back. I was making an ass of myself and getting sicker all the time. @ this she took me back home to sleep it off. Little did she know that I had alcohol poisoning from my binge. If I had not passed out on my belly I'd be dead today.

Although this sounds like it would be horrible, and it was, it was another turning point in my life. When I came back home from the hospital my (now) wife told me she found me passed out and could not wake me so she had to call an ambulance. (Much more to that story but will be in another writing.) This near death experience turned my life around. I went into everything at full tilt. I was in school again, I got married, started a band, and changed religions in what seemed like no time @ all. I became who I was wanting to be. Nothing was to stop me again.

Though some bumps in the road have taken place sence then; I have continued on that path. I still am going, with a few detoures, but I'd going into life in a way that would make Voltaire himself proud.

While thinking over the rest of Sunday, I saw how much impact one single person had had on me. A person whom I did not spend much time with in face to face contact, but one that changed me so greatly. Was all the change good? Maybe not. Looking back she was just words on a computer screen. But it did create the person I am now. It caused me to choose where I went to school. (Maybe I should have gone to a better school; maybe the one my dad went to, or maybe the largest universaty in the state...) But this inter-personal relationship swayed me. These decisions put everything that followed into motion. It even caused another major turn further on down the road. But I'm here! This is who I am! Thank you! If you ever read this, all I can say is WOW! Who would have ever known, while it was all going on, that this is what it would come to??

"Freedom is what you do with what has been done to you." - Jean-Paul Sartre.

Sample from my Philisophical work.

I believed we all thought that the witch hunts were over. Once every one was required to read The Crucible in high school, I believed that we all learned that the scape-goating of ‘witches’ was a bad thing. We should have seen how this was nothing more that a grand scare with no real backing or rational behind it.

Those that were found and tried as witches were simply people who were not the common crowd. They were loners or eccentrics. Not people wishing to cause harm to children, like it was claimed they were. We all know that the children who were acting out these atrocities were simply children looking for excitement. When they saw how much power they had they took it for all it was worth. If some one came against them they turned the authorities (who now hung on their each and every word) after them.

But this still happens today. One would think that 400 years later the ousting of witches would no longer apply. Especially in a country that founds itself on freedom; especially when freedom of religion is one of the main points it is supposed to stand behind. How can one say its people are free to practice any religion they deem fit when the instruments of their choosing are used against them as evidence in criminal cases? Even the books one chooses to read or to use in religious practice can be used against them with the moniker of “It was strange and out of place so we took it in as evidence”?

This is wrong!

The Satanic Bible is a book of philosophy with one of its main points being “Freedom to the responsible”. This simply means that those who can handle freedom should have it but those who can not handle themselves need to be kept in check. Why should “authority” hold this book against some one? Is that not one of the main points of the United States? Is this not a large part of “The American Dream”?

So when someone has a copy of The Satanic Bible at the scene of a crime, should they be punished more than any one else having committed the same crime? I believe any non-religiously bias ethicist would say “Absolutely not!” But that is not what is commonly found to happen. Charges get grossly blown out of proportion and evidence changed to further damn those involved. All this happens in the name of “Stopping Satanic Crime” and those who use Satan as a tool for criminology, even when this is far from the actual/factual case.

Questions and Response from Fyodor Dostoevsky's The Idiot.

1. Dostoevsky wrote, in "The Idiot, that his idea was to “portray a perfectly beautiful man.” Did he succeed? Can you formulate what is “beautiful” about Prince Myshkin? If Dostoevsky did not succeed, in what particulars did he fail?

I view that Myshkin was not beautiful. He was neither aesthetic nor socially acceptable. We find that he was very sickly and was unable to care for himself without direct assistance from a caregiver. He angered those around him in many ways; Rogozhin became so angered with him that he tried to kill him. Myshkin was made to be naïve. Although he cared greatly for those around him, and only spoke ill of them to their faces. It was in an attempt to help them. Although his views were almost always taken as slights and insults, he viewed that what he said should have be said and understood just as he spoke it. His naiveté was his beauty, even though all those around him saw it as his greatest flaw and detraction.

2. Is it difficult, or even impossible, for one to go through life in imitation of Christ – because of the inevitability of human egoism or because of “our age of vices and railways”?

I view that is it impossible to be truly Christ-like because of “our age of vices and railways”. The time that Jesus was said to have lived, and our modern world are very different. Jesus came from a well-off enough family to be able to go into the wild and learn what he must, and to come to terms with being the Son of God. His notoriety then allowed him to be able to not “work” for a living. Food and shelter were given to him any where he went because his reputation preceded him. In the Bible, every stop he made he was taken in by a follower of his work and teachings.
In the case of Myshkin he was also taken in by family or those that felt sorry for him because of his illness. At the beginning of the story, they were ready to kick him out of their homes because he upset them so greatly. However, when he suddenly came into contact with a great sum of money, due to the death of a relative, he was welcomed back with open arms because they thought he may help them financially since they had opened up their home to him when he was poor and in need. But all the while they ridiculed him for being jobless and only having a talent for pretty writing. Those around him viewed him as an unbearable burden and viewed him being a “philosopher” as a waste of time and belittled him for it constantly.
It shocks me to see that they put up with the Prince as they did. I view that anyone wishing to do the same, in our modern time, would be treated even worse. Plus, we have had so great a number of people claiming to be the second coming of Jesus that without showing god-like powers no one would believe anyone acting in absolute accordance with Jesus’ teachings could be Jesus. I believe that one cannot live in a totally Christ-like nature without being seen as a freeloader and waste in today’s society. They would be viewed much like the homeless are viewed.

3. Is there anything in this novel for the atheist? Can the religious issues be read as metaphors for psychology or as psychological symptoms?

I do view that an Atheist can read and get a great amount of insight into religious psychology from this novel. I base this intrinsically on myself being an atheist and having gotten a great deal from this classic novel myself. I simply saw the religious issues as societal issues. They were more over inquires into the society, and mass psychological issues to me.
Prince Myshkin expounded upon not seeing how anyone could be Catholic after all that was shown of Catholicism during the Reformation of the 1600’s. I felt this came from the view points of the author himself. After having read other examples of Dostoevsky’s religious views, and views of Christ, I felt that the words of Prince Myshkin were merely the feelings and ideas of Dostoevsky himself. This novel and that character, were just ways for him to be able to get out his personal views of religious diversification and his feelings upon those subjects. By definition, the personal thoughts of an individual and how they affect his actions is psychology. This is especially seen as true because he did not go into any non-Christian religions, and therefore anything outside of his own thoughts and mind. The closest he came to this was talking of Jesus being a Jew and not understanding how the Jews did not progress to viewing him as a savior when they had walked among Him as a people.
These views were seen, by myself, as a way of looking into the society, and the psychology of the individual people. This was much like when I looked into the lives of those in Ireland during the religious wars that took place there. That case seemed to be just what Prince Myshkin spoke of, but with physical violence as the ultimate result. (I believe that Russia may have come to the same result if economic and political issues had not become the greater concern that they did.)

4. Can one extract from this novel a critique of the social structure in which the characters must move and live and have their being?

I believe one can critique the social structure of the characters from this novel. I believed that it showed very well the limits of the society, and the unwritten laws of society that they were obliged to hold on to. We saw this greatly in the cases of the female characters and who they were and were not allowed to be with, and the times of day certain interactions were allowed to take place. We also saw how certain topics were only allowed in letters and could not be spoken. Then, there was the rigidity of engagement vows and who could be seen with the engaged woman by the public without scandal. I feel these were expressed very well and in a very understandable manner even for those unfamiliar with that culture and sociological practices.

5. Are the tribulations of Alglaia and Nastasya the result of their personalities, or even their womanhood? Or are they caused by the position of woman in the particular society that the novel portrays?

I feel that both their personalities and their society have a great deal to do with who they are. Alglaia has been brought up sheltered and pampered. The only family that she ever lived with was the household of her parents.
Nastasya lost both of her parents and was shunned in society, and by herself, for being a married man’s mistress while she was too young to be able to change her situation. In today’s society the man would be seen as the wrong-doer and Nastasya would be seen, rightly, as the victim. Plus we saw how her being a kept mistress caused her great trouble and psychological turmoil. It was very easy to see how these events lead to her choices in romance, company, and ultimate death throughout the novel. It also showed where she had more freedom of choice in society but her own psychology did not allow her the same level of freedom. So, in reality, she was never free of the choices that were thrust upon her while she was young.
We can also see how these same life choices were in Aglaia’s life, but her young age and privilege helped her. We also see how their lives were completely decided by their elders. Both of these women had very little decision over what happened in their lives, in youth, and when they did try to make a choice the society around them forced them to alter what really took place. We were shown that being a woman in the late 1800’s of Russia was not enjoyable or free. These women simply had to take the life that was given to them and submit to it. If they tried to fight it they found themselves in an even worse place than if they had just let their world be decided for them.

Ethical political responsibility.

Have you ever lost a job with the reasoning being “Your representation of this company has not been to the caliper that this company likes to have presented to the community”? Though this has not happened to me, it can be a common reason for dismissal from a place of employment. Each day comes and goes and we are presenting many different things to many different people. For some, we may be representing ourselves as a member of a family, a public official, or maybe the face of a large corporation. Whoever we are, we are seen by the public through our work or simply seen in the public. When one of these high focal figures of a company makes a huge mistake we have it thrown in our faces by the media. It gets to the point where we cannot get away from knowing about what’s going on in their lives, much like with what is going on with David Letterman now. But these are just social figures. For the most part, what they do has almost no affect on us other than the knowledge being bestowed upon us by the media and the personal feelings this knowledge bestows upon us.

How come when something that really affects us, and those close to us, we rarely know about it? If new laws have been put into place we are rarely informed in a timely manner. Sometimes a poor soul does not know about the law change until they are being punished by this law change. What about when a politician votes in a way counter to those he or she is appointed to represent? We have to have a finger firmly on the pulse of politics to even find out. Why aren’t these things news? It may not be the most ethical thing for a well known figure to have an affair or have money stolen from them. But that really isn’t our business. That is a personal matter for them and those it involves. But a vote by a politician does affect us all! This is what should be in the news. We should be getting informed about what is changing and transpiring in the legal and political world around us. We need to know what kind of job a politician is doing to know if we want them continuing that line of work. What we don’t need to know about is who they take their clothes off with. I know who cares and why its news, but this should be the last part of their lives that we know about. Who they choose to fuck, no matter the ethical connotation, really does not affect what laws are put into place in any level of normal practice. So, let’s hold these people responsible in areas that actually matter!

Everyone has an opinion. My view of blogs.

Who really has something to say? Everyone has opinions. Of course. Only a lobotomized individual is totally bereft of any ideas, and there is evidence that they still have thought. But the part of the brain that makes anything of these ideas is now gone, along with each and every part of their personality. Maybe they could make for the best thinkers because their individualistic thought processes do not affect them. They would be much like the pre-cogs in Philip K. Dick’s short story “The Minority Report”. These individuals only gave the information that came to them. It was totally unaltered by their personal preferences. But is this best? It worked well for them because they were provided all that they needed while some one of their caliper would usually have been left to die because they could not care for themselves, and those that used their information were considered heroes in their community. But in our world those that are usually listened to are those that are highly educated and have taken the time to try to bestow information on those around them along with the world that they live in.

Opinions are everywhere. Just pickup a news paper and you will find a whole section of opinion and advice. Blogs have become a popular way of expression. One does not need any form of education. One simply needs access to a computer and the internet. I once read of an individual believing that blogs were the gradual destruction of the Rome that is professional journalism. Each informed and articulate blogger is much like the terroristic faction who eventually caused the demise of that great city. They do not need to have spent the time and money on a journalism degree or strive hard for a job, but they are also rarely paid for their insight unlike the professional journalist. They are really only doing it to vent. So does that make it a waste of time?

Maybe it is. These people devote hours out of their lives just to put into a public forum how and what they feel. So many opinions and dissenters are like looking into a world of “Special Olympic Athletes”. There are not always nearly as informed as one should be if they are going to allow the public to be let into their thoughts. They may have not learned the ethics that go into telling certain details of certain stories; but that could be argued away vey easily by pointing out news shows such as “Inside Edition” that is known for going out of its way to dig up the worst of the worst of the world’s best know people. Maybe the days of keeping certain topics out of the view of the public are gone. Even Voltaire spoke of not defaming some one’s name until they have been proven guilty. The days of “innocent until the proof of guilt” seem to be totally gone because of news media like these. But the ability to blog opens up the voice of those who are accused. They are able to put their thoughts into print, and those close to them can speak of how they feel. Just because one is charged with doing something does not mean that they did it. Charges are only there so that there is potential of prosecution. We can only hope that if they are innocent they will be found to be so. Blogging allows this innocent voice to come out, or at least the voice of the side fighting to keep their non-defamed name. With the old news media the public only hears the voice of the legal system. How often have you watched the news and only heard of charges and arrests without even hearing what the arrested individual had to say? Usually if we see a news story like that we automatically see them as guilty even if they may not be.

This can have huge psychological damage. I am sure we all read about the group of black college students that were arrested on charges of group rape. The ‘victim’ seemed to felt dirty for what she did or later regretted it for whatever other reason and then went to the police. These men were arrested and held for a lengthy time. Interviewed after they got out, one said that he knew he was innocent but being held in jail and constantly being told he was guilty started to wear on him and he even stated to believe that he may have been guilty of his charges.

It was not until a detective told the ‘victim’ that there might be a video tape of the incident did she recant. This is a perfect case of the real victim being those in the correctional system unjustly. When this story broke many were up in arms and a veritable lynch mob was unleashed mostly because the woman was white and the ‘rapists’ were black. Pictures came out in the papers and these men where guilty just because of racist views and the ideal that” No woman would lie about being raped”; and “No woman would ever wish to go through that kind of ridicule.” If only this were true.

Many women have come to learn that they become "heroic survivors" when theycome forward about this crime and restitution is now paid to rape victims. These women also know that the one who raped them will forever suffer with a grave stigma and a heinous record that not only the legal system looks down upon strongly, but so does the populace once they may get to be released. (Lest we forget that they will be sex offenders and will have to tell everyone in their neighborhoods what they were found guilty of.) Blogs are what allowed the true victims of this horrible crime to have a voice. So maybe blogs are good. We need to be able to let all of our voices be heard even if we do not have a large amount of education and get paid to put out voices on the internet. Maybe those elements really have become secondary when it comes to the real search for truth.

Pornography. And this time I'm not talking about the album by The Cure.

Porn. Yes porn. We have all watched it. Maybe you were perturbed by it or maybe you enjoyed it. Whatever the reaction was, we did watch it and there is a lot of it. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but one still cannot go online without having to maneuver around it. I remember being in a school library and going to a web site that was in the banner bar of my browser (MarilynManson.com) thinking I was going to take me to a recording artist’s web page. Although I had never heard a song by this artist (not sung by a classmate), I was curious about what all the hype surrounding this guy was and I clicked the page. Before I had a clue what I was seeing, my browser and at least five new ones popped up with a barrage of pornographic film and images.

The teacher of this course pulled up a chair next to me and called me a pervert. He didn’t know how to get rid of all the open windows any better than I (without making more pop up) so he put me at another computer and had the lab assistant come and fix what I had done.
I was not even trying to find it. It found me. But this should not be about the clutter on the internet… NEAH. That is not the direction we need to be taking because there are so many people who have already opened discussions about this topic and progress has been made in that direction. What we need to realize, is the need and reason behind these images.

Foucault wrote and lectured that sexuality is the ultimate expression of the self. But I do not see how watching others engaging in types of sex, which are truly craved by these watching individuals, truly alleviate this longing. As a point of conjecture I feel that it would actually make the longing for this thing (which one is not, in reality, getting experienced) much stronger in these individuals. One could say that they are getting to experience it vicariously, but vicarious experiences only work well some times.

Someone may wish to be a soldier but does not have it in them to see real carnage or want to risk their own lives so they watch a war based movie. Another may want to be a famous singer but gets horrible stage fright so they are a manager. Another one is of a non-athletic person, but they have a child who is athletic, and supports that child's drive at their own athleticism. But I do not feel that this works when it comes to sex.

I see that sex is too primal of a drive and too ingrained into who the person is to be able to get adequate amounts of satisfaction from only seeing others engaging in desired sexual interactions. Wouldn’t this just make someone want to strive harder to experiences these pleasures that they are not really taking part in? This can also be dangerous.

We all read in shock and horror about the man who went into a gym and shot it up because he was unable to hook up with a young woman to fulfill his sexual desires. Could watching young woman have all the kinds of sex, in pornography, assisted in his decisions to do what he did…? He was known to have read books about being a middle aged man getting women much younger to be with them. But he did not find success as that writer claimed to have.

This could bring up the argument that seeing sexually explicit material can help one not fear sexual interactions and limit inhibitions. Without proper sex education this could easily result in sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancies. Of course there are legal constraints to the viewing of pornographic images but anyone knows that a simple click of a mouse will allow even a young child to witness these images without limit. And with the age of sexual experimentation continually getting younger and younger; many will contest that this is due to pornographic movies being easier to come into contact with than ever before. But I will state the even lower level parental guidance movies have more and more sexual interactions in them than used to be found.

Europe has always been known for very sexually explicit movies thought out the history of cinema and the age of sexual experimentation in rather low compared to the United States but youth pregnancy is not the problem it is in the United Stated because of strong sex education programs and openness through ground breaking writings by amazing thinkers like Simone de Beauvoir’s The Second Sex.

I believe it really comes down to the individual. If they can know that porn is simply fantasy and not real they can be okay to view it. But it is alarming to see how few people really realize that it is no more real than an action movie where super heroes are flying and doing extra-human feats. That is what happens in porn; few guys are endowed like that and most women do not have figures with that amount of curve after college. Maybe a disclaimer is needed not only to say that everyone in the movie is 18 but also that this is a work of fantasy and should be viewed by the world only as a simple work of fiction.