Death

I do not want to come to the end of my life jumping into the arms of death glad to release this mortal coil due to depression and hatred of my life and existence on this earth.




Nor do I wish to fear death so greatly that I would sacrifice my everything to spend just a little more time on this plane of existence.




I'd wish for death to be a natural process that I take in as the inevitable and remain neutral to it as it comes to pass.




or:


Jeg ønsker ikke å komme til slutten av livet mitt å hoppe i armene på død glad for å slippe dette dødelige coil på grunn av depresjon og hat i mitt liv og eksistens på denne jorden. Heller ikke jeg ønsker å frykte døden så sterkt at jeg ville ofre min alt for å tilbringe litt mer tid på dette planet av eksistens . Jeg ville ønske for døden å være en naturlig prosess som jeg ta i så det uunngåelige og være nøytral til det som det kommer til å passere .


--
Tim

An Update.

Wow.
Life has been a roller coaster ride for sure.
Just wow how tine changes so much.
A little over a year ago I lost my dad to cancer after switching career paths. I tried to be strong.for my family and took too much on and it.all crumbled.
The wife found someone new and wants to leave me for a new life with him so I am looking into the future as a single man.
I now have 2 beautiful daughters and they are the center of my.world and all that I do.
It is looking as if I'll be moving to Germany as soon as I am able to be with my girls. The education there is superior to that of the United States and I have always wanted to be an international traveler and a citizen of the world. Now I am looking that opportunity in the face and can't wait to see where it takes me.
I'm hopeful and optimistic about that is to come, but I know the challenges will be real.
Learning a new language won't be the easiest thing I have ever done, but so far in grasping German faster than I thought I would.  Time will just have to tell how well it continues.
I can't wait to meet all kinds of new people and see what life will offer.

Collect, Collect, Collect, Law Enforcement's Latest Paradigm.

Collect, collect, collect.
         This is all our officers of the law focus on. Hell, this is what our entire judicial system is based on.
        Notice how crime rates have risen? Because the system is not defending us; but only collecting revenue for the department. They continue to have newer vehicles, higher grade assult weapons, more victims, more slaves in the privately owned prison systems of America, more pay, but yet the rate of unsolved crime is rising higher and higher. The crimes that go "unsolved" are the crimes that do not gather revenue, but cost departments money. That is no coincidence.
         Judges, prosecutors, and law enforcement officers on the same pay roll; benefiting from the "punishment" of "crime" as they turn the accused over to privately owned corrections facilities so the cost to the Sate is maintained. While at no time in human history have so many people been imprisoned by its own government. (Not even the "Red" & "Communist" countries the US claim as our enemies house as many prisoners. Though they are hated because they aren't as "free" as we are.)
         We look back at the days of kings and knights. You see  these same systems were used to squeeze collections out of the already impoverished society just as it is happening today. But we don't have a "Robin Hood" or a "Zorro" in the wings to assist us here in the United States. As a "modern society" we seem to have turned blind to the same happening in our world and are too placated to fight injustice, theft, and murder by our modern captor. It could be the new technology, it could be the force fed media feeds tarnishing an objective view, or it could be a society we secretly want through our compliance.
        Similar happenings happened in Germany during the 1940's. Germany was at a peak of technology, state saturated media,  government control of thought and art through censorship, record setting prison populations, and a military constantly at war to expand its belief in the Führung.  Even as people were disappearing around them, the society was easily lead to believe those who were disappearing "Where Unclean" and they were being removed for the "purification" of the State.
        At this Time the United States has similar prisons in foreign lands where the vast majority of those tortured and interned there have a Muslim faith. We have a military that has been constantly at war, we have a media that is now state run and filled with the propaganda it wants us to know. Those who "Toe the Party Line" live a life of ease, while anyone who needs to be "broken" is raked through to judicial system much akin to the story of Jesus. As if to say, "Stand for the rights of the people who are less fortunate & be quelled with violences that the state run media will never tell you about." AKA much of the Michael Brown and "Hands Up, Don't Shoot" movement were organized through social media and until the riots the main stream media did all it could to stay away from reporting the story.  The same places where many found out about the happenings (Social Media) also made possible the public outcry and education of what happened.
        Why all this strife? For the money.  The same money printed at the US Mint itself. Capitalism ran so far amuck that even the governing body has been given up to pure (and adulterated) greed and avarice to such an extent the it has to find new ways to fill its own pockets to "continue" running. I can't be the only one that sees this system feeding upon itself like a snake eating its own tale. Will we stop the avarice before we are consumed and crushed by the machine?
Do we need a Zorro, Robin Hood, or Brave Heart?

#Californication

         It has been many a year since I have been this drawn into a show of fictional characters.  It was like finishing a great Russian novel. Full of great stories with twists and turns and more characters than you can keep up with. Miss an episode (or a chapter) and miss out on the development.
      Great writers, actors, and pop stars made appearances or were referenced. I believe my favorite was the reference to Tolstoy's Anna Karenina near the end of the series, or when Hank was compared to "a poor man's" Bukowski or directly titled "Bukowski" himself by the mother of his child. (Though some will say Hank's character is the the main character from most of Bukowski's novels.)
          I could relate all too well with Hank Moody.  He was a former rocker who became a writer. He had a beautiful and intelligent daughter (Becca) that seemed to teach him more than he let himself be open to; & he had an odd, and usually astringed, relationship with Becca's mother Karen. One could always tell that Hank had good intentions but they never worked out for him.  Karen was always seeing Hank caught up in messes he really wasn't interested in, but looked bad as Karen walked in on him. No matter what he said or tried to do, he was always a snare away from disaster.
         Becca's character was always a blast.  Well behaved and always wanting to learn. A great touch to the series was when her Thanksgiving Prayer. A Satanic Prayer of gratitude to the meal where the bravest of the family Hailed, Satan with her.  She was also shown in an episode reading the Satanic Bible by Anton Levay showing that she wanted to be well informed and study life for herself. (Too bad she wasn't shown reading his Satanic Witch.  But that may have been lost in the less Church of Satan savvy watchers.) As the series progressed one sees her become a young adult living life on her own and took what was given to her while finding her own existentialist freedom.
         Each season was well acted and well written. I really felt they just kept getting better as they progressed. Sue Collini (played by Kathleen Turner) is a riot of a character that is only more humorous when one remembers her preference as "Serial Mom". The fact that the character Krull really was a member the Sex Pistols. Plus the battles of the Runkle family seem to hit home for anyone who has wanted adventure in life and just didn't know how to do it without damage.
         Some will say that the series ended with too much left unfinished. But I feel this added to the main theme that the main character was a writer who rarely was able to write. He couldn't finish what he started on paper, or in his own life. It also goes back to my reference of 1800's Russian Novels. Too much was going on to wrap up every little piece of the story.  It lets the viewer's imagination take over and that is where the best forms of art leave off, "Where the audience can take it with them and still find happiness and enjoyment".
For any parts that I missed, and the interesting relationships of the members of the acting staff:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Californication_(TV_series)

Aryton Senna

•. •. •. What is success? A. Senna set records in his time for most times starting 1st (pole position), finishing 1st (winning), and assessing the most points per season more times than any other driver of his time. Then, gunning for 1st place behind Michaels Shumacher he slammed a wall @ over 185  mph. The crash took his life and sent the country of Brazil into mourning as the rest of the Formula 1 community also suffered for the loss.

         No political skirmish, with his team or Formula 1, could hold him back, no track could keep him from success, and he seemed free of any inner demons that could hold him back on a personal level either.
          I was blessed to watch the beautiful documentary on his life from Netflix and I am very glad that I did. It showed me how the petty and childish do fade away.  The true winners are winners.  They do not always find the same type of success, but it is the type that is still read about for generations and decades after the individual can no longer tell their own story.
         Senna was a hero who brought joy to a suffering country.  He gave his time and his being to the country when he was not in a race car, and he was loved greatly for it.