Infantile

        It seems so strange. Day in, and day out, it seems like nearly every where I look all I can are the theories of the philosophers I have been reading the past few years.  Jung did exhaustive research on the individual.  His work proceeded Frued; who's work proceeded Nietzsche.

        The more of Neietzsche I read, the more I see how greatly people do lie every day.  The one they lie to the most is themselves.  I see so many around me, each and every day, that have to prove their insecurities in broad and dramatic fashions just to (somehow) prove they they aren't the losers they really are.

        Then we have the group of individuals so symbiotically linked to the people to whom keep them afloat that they seem almost as obnoxious as those who have to broadcast their problems to the world.  For these individuals they pack all the need of world social acceptance into a handful of people they hold to for dear life.  Has a happy middle ground died?

Crank Problems

       Ya know, I've lived in the middle of hill-Billie, cousin fucking, white trash living, daddy dick sucking, home-less, crank land; but I have never once been tempted to crank it up on crank.  (Even after having many offers.)  I like my teeth and semblance of sanity too much.  Looking like a skin cover Skelton is not my kind of life where looking for your next hook up is all you can look forward to.
       I know I harp on law enforcement a lot; but GD am I ever sick of having my cars searched when I show no signs of being high, while people can walk the streets and be out in public under a cloud of obvious drug taking.  Who the fuck wants to smoke automotive products cooked with cold tablets anyways?!?  Jesus people!!  Your lack of self control grosses me out to no end.
       If you want to do that, feel free to turn yourself in and stop being a total psycho around me as I try to work.  Get some self control and go to rehab before you're forced to!

Thinking Again

        Time seems to fly by for me so quickly.  These days I find myself working non stop.  There is not a day that goes by where I am not at my work place.  I am there from at least an hour a day to 14 straight hoursaday. It causes me to miss my family and makes me wish it at least paid me enough to feel like I am working for something worth the time I put into it.  At this point, it Isn't.
         I hope that changes.  I hate to think I have been missing seeing my child grow up for a waste of time.  I took the job because I was quoted enough earnings to feel that I would be really providing for those I love.  But now, I'm not seeing it worth the missed experiences of their lives.  Sometimes I wonder and think too much about what I am missing out on.  A child is only young once.

Killers Amongst Us?

~Dennis Lynn Rader


~Gilles de Montmorency-Laval

 . .  . After all the craziness that has been going on in my life of late (A Recap) it has gotten me to thinking about what type of world we live in.  We are surrounded by people we believe we can trust, but can we really trust them?  Are we safe to trust these people as they walk with us in our society?
    Did you know that the BTK Killer walked amongst us for ten years and worked for law enforcement?   He was a trusted member of society entrusted with the safety of others.  (And installed security systems for ADT Security services to keep the BTK Killer out of the homes of clients.) This man was supposed to have passed psychological testing to ensure he was fit for the job he was entrusted with.  He was on our streets, with a gun, tools for restraining people, and a rape kit, "protecting" us.... All while on a tax funded salary...  Scary thought isn't it?
      If that isn't scary enough, this guy was famous for trying to get caught!  The man was sending letters to the chief of police in the largest principality of his home town and was putting evidence in that man's car trying to become famous for his heinous acts.  Dennis Lynn  Rader was trying to be found, worked under the very noses of those "Searchig Diligently to find and Stop  Him", was on the same pay roll as the forementioned group,  and was a fairly predominant member of the local society!!  So, why wasn't ge caught for decades? 
       (I could go on and on about how that makes the law enforcement look .  For them to be a money making department over being truely trustworthy for the protection of our society. We know finding a killer isn't a money making  deal, and this case was in reality a "back burner project" because a department will actually loose money catching a killer.  But, I will leave that for another time.)
     History if full of vicious nut jobs parading around, armed, and in plain sight like Gilles de Montmorency-Laval.  This man was a hero of French Revolutionary times.  But, because he was a war hero and publicly very close to the Pope, his evil killings of children went without  detection for nearly a decade.  Because the victims were the children of the poor, and the killer was of the highest classes, those who could have stopped him made no attempt for fear of political  ramifications.  This man betrayed Joan of Ark  to death, killed up to 600 children after sadistically sexually abusing them, and was still upheld as a hero until he finally made a political enemy that stopped him and exposed his true being.  But at what cost?
       I would hate to sound like a paranoid, but let us look at these 2 figures.  Both are people we could be walking shoulder to shoulder with today.  These men only needed to blend in and have a high enough rank in society to live amongst us and rape and kill for enjoyment.  How many members of law enforcement are getting away with rape and sadistic murder on the tax payers dime?  Who will stop these thieves and murderers?  I am loosing faith in the departments being able to police themselves.  Only in television do departments really hold their officers accountable. Will it take voting?  Will it take an exposure of the truth?  How will we get to this information?
      This story sadly reminds me of an old high school buddy of mine.  We were in several groups together.  He became a Marine and became a cop after his time in the service.  He bragged about killing people of in countries.  Even the one he is sworn to protect.  Can we take away their lethal force?  I'm sure they wouldn't let us.  That is how they control us.  Through fear of death, murder, imprisonment, and theft.  I want to live in the country that is as free and brave as they claim we are.
     

Musicians, Music, a Passionate One

   I can not say enough about my love of music.  My innermost passions are for the art form and how it relates to every other level of being.
    When I was young I played the trombone at least 2 hours a day.  I loved it.  I loved how I was talented at the instrument.  I had a natural ability to have a warm and well rounded tone right from the beginning.  Speed of tempo was an issue at 1st, but that was only because I was moving my entire arm instead of just my fingers for that instrument.
    All the way through high school everything else took a step back.  I played in everything that was available.  I was in the church orchestra, all 3 of the high school bands, and I played in the "pit" for the musicals.
  I still wish I had taken the time to be with family, or make friends, or did more intellectual reading instead....  But my life revolved around playing that trombone.  I had added the extra challenge of learning the bass trombone, but it still didn't help me lack of interpersonal skills or social interactions in anyway but make them that much worse.
    I took my talent of playing into college as well.  Every school I auditioned for offered me money to  attend classes at their location.  But, I didn't take the time to learn that the best schools were the bigger and better known schools.  I didn't want to go where those that I knew were going....  So I went to a budget school where I had a fellow musician friend living nearby.
   The music program at this college didn't really interest me or keep me focused.  I wanted to learn how to write better songs, not how to figure out what progression a composer from the 1500's was using for his chants and remedial compositions.
       I wanted to learn other instruments that were more commercially viable. I wanted to sing songs that I wrote and to play on a stage with 2 to 3 other musicians and not 30-50.  I wanted more fans in the audience than players on the stage.  I ran out of patience and left.
     Learning in my own seemed to be more rewarding.  I also created better styles and riffs from teaching myself.  It took years, but I got together a rock band just like I'd always dreamed about.  I moved to the singer's roll and the stage show was set.  It didn't live forever, but it was a great piece of expressionism and rage.  Our Album 
     The album took far too long to record and we decided we wanted to go other musical directions.  The "sound" never formed and our bassist became a ragging alcoholic.  That chapter was done.
      Music became an art form to enjoy, but not preform, for years after that.  I'd engross myself in the talents and passions of others who were like gods to me.  I hung on every word, line, and progression.
    Now it feels as if the whole thing has come full circle.  Now I love to play the bass trombone again.  I teach kids how to play and play church gigs again.  They pay now, and the love is just as strong as ever.  Maybe I'll be back to writing the material and performing it again.  It is all a matter of time and finding others with the same passions and dive.  But until then, I love the opportunities I have and the natural talents that I have been given.  It is such a blessing to entertain others with my playing.

That Dash Cam Video

 Did you know that the dash cam on police cars are not requires by law?  Not only are they not required, they are only there to put you in court.  If it will help you, it will conviently "disappear" or become "unavailable".  It sure will.  If brutality and theft was inflicted upon you by someone sworn to protect you, the proof will go away along with their honest testimony in court. 

 Will we change this corruption?  Will we stop allowing those corrupted by power and legal immunity to steal from us after our tax dollars are the currency used to facilitate their salaries?  Will we sit back until we each have wrap sheets to keep us quiet?  Will we let their guns and shields keep us quiet?

 I hope that this election period we stand united in the basic facts that police work needs to be worked on to give us a much safer world to live in. These members of government need to return to being our protectors and not the legalized thugs allowed to rob us to assist in their job security.  We must make those dash cam videos public domain so that accountability can be held to those we allow to posses firearms and take away freedom. 

   If we do not hold them accountable they will continue to rob and steal in the name of a "civilized society".  These is nothing civilized about robbing at gun point and then destroying the proof of your actions.  This is no better than the armed patrols of the "Dark Ages".  We must not allow ourselves to fall into a technologically advanced time of ignorance and fear.  We must be brave and hold those who take and lie for their own amusement accountable for their actions.  We must strive for harsh prison sentences and the death penalty for those who betray the trust if our society and take life without extremely real need for the protection of the society at large.  Do not let them rob you of protection, tax funding, your hard earned property, and freedom because you are afraid of the world that has been painted out for you in tv and cop lies.  Hold them accountable.  You know they will hold you in a cell if given the chance.

In a Perfect World

       

      Wow.  Wouldn't it be great if we lived in a country where police were held to as high of a standard as they hold us to?  In this world they would face harsher punishments than us for their misuse of their position in society?  What if they could be executed for murder on the job?  What if they could be fined for robbery and falsification of evidence so their victims could be compensated for what was taken from them?  (Without the victim needing a large amount of money just to get their victimhood shown in court or having to battle false charges that are sucking up all their resources and taking away their ability to find justice?)

      What a world that would be!  We would actually be protected and we would be in a safer place.  Corruption would not be tolerated and we could feel free to have families and know that the truth will not be hidden in the name of robbery for the fulfillment of the state's lack of fiscal accountability.
      Dreamers have wished for this since Plato.  Even Nietzsche got to the point of no longer fighting the system, but decided to just figure it out for his own use.  I'm not maniacal enough to sit back and abuse people for my benefit. 
     If I did feel that abuse was ok, I'd be no better than those who harmed me, and 1,000s of others, in the name of false justice and robbery for job security. 
      When we are truly free we can be safe and secure, knowing our tax dollar go for our protection and not the facilitation of armed robbery with out accountability.

Why Must We Suffer?

       Sometimes when those who are cruel and unjust, they simply need to detroy the eye witness to the occurance.    Sometimes this is just enugh to rob a man of all the he has worked so hard to obtain.  Sadness ensues and injustice is allowed to rule.  Aren't they sworn to keep this type of thing from happening?  Well-paid, but still theiving thugs.  Will we, as AMERICANS, ever stop the theft and armed robbery?

2012 and the New Horizon.

       Each and every year this time comes and goes.  Some love the release of another year; others dread what the next turn of the calendar may do to their pocketbooks and families.
       I stated that I was not going to use this page to give you too much information about my personal life (isn't Facebook and Twitter for those kinds of things?), so I won't.  I will speak of the psychology behind the new year and my philosophical views of what a New Year means to me.
       During 2011, I was inundated with a world view I have always hated.  It is one of defeatism and horrible attitudes to the tasks at hand and the potentials of the future.  This is not new or different.  I know I have experienced this world view all the way back into my elementary school years from teachers and fellow students alike.  Thought out the last month I have come to coin a term for this belief system and philosophic view: I call it "Hill-Billie Dour-ism".
         In this "Hill-Billie Dour-ism" no matter what takes place it can be pushed away with large amounts of alcohol and badly written music played at high volumes.  Then, in plan preparations, it does not matter how well prepared one is; the plan will fail anyways because "something" will come out of "no-where" and stop the "perfect plans" from reaching achievement.  I feel this must be for making it easier to accept when one does not succeed and then failure from there watered down effort.  They do not see that this mindset sets them up for misfortune from the start.
        But, if this does not do the desired trick, reveling in the mistakes and failure of others seems to negate the short comings of those who use this world view.  To revel in the pain and destruction of others only undermines the whole of societal progress that we need to work on to improve as a society, not destroy.
       
        But the most hurtful element of this world view if the absolute hatred of those who succeed in their hard work and accomplishment with confidence.  They hate those who have talent and make money using these talents and find accoplishment .  This counts for double and triple if the artist also loves the performance and the work they do.  But what is progress without art and music to make it beautiful?
        It goes farther than even Sartre's concept of despair.  Plus, it lacks the rationalism or reasoning that backed his disparaging world view .  At least the French society (that Sartre was immersed in) had just moved out of WWII and the Nazi occupation. We in the United States are rebuilding an economy alone. Much of Europe was trying to rebuild its money flow along with the cities and roads that were destroyed during this world's greatest armed conflict.   Sartre also saw that defeatism could only fold in upon itself; just as I do.


        I have now made it my goal to keep my thoughts and ideals away from this mindset of Hill-Billie Dour-ism for the new year and the rest of my life.  I have let the influence of this mind set and life style effect me far too often in the last few months and years.  I know that I can no longer accept this as a way of life.  I must block out and stay away from this type of being if I am to find the true happiness and success my life is destined for.  I have been through rougher times than any of those who have tried to bring me down.  They hate that I have risen above the vile pit they tried to throw me into.   Now I must keep my focus clear and continue in this upward momentum with out regard for their want of failure.

We Must Look to Freedom and Peace.

      We have given up more freedoms in the name of being safer than anything some angry men in the Middle-East can take from us.  We have now allowed congress to pass a law that allows American Citizens to be jailed indefinitely if they are accused of "terrorist actions" with out formal charges or a trail.
      Oppression is be the taxation, restrictions, and jailing we will have as a direct cause of an all out invasion of 2 countries, and the fear of counter attacks as a result.  One does not hit a hornet's nest if you are afraid of being stung or attacked in the defense of the hive.
      How are we free when every action is governed by rules, regulations, and laws?  Even having food in your house to feed your family for more than 7 days makes one suspect....  (Forget preparations for in-climate weather or a hatred for shopping often. )
      One of the countries we invaded had the culprit, but we did not capture Bin Laden in nearly 10 years!  I know I would be angered by a country saying they are assisting to end violence but only precluding it for a longer period of time.  The other country we invaded had nothing to do with the 9-11 attacks while the leader of that country just happened to be a guy who eluded the 1st Bush president's attacks during the Gulf War. Why are tax payers having to suffer for presidential arrogance?

      We will be held accountable for all the destruction we have cause. And the loss of very real freedoms will be the result. We will no longer be worried about the potential losses. We will simply see it 1st hand and suffer  very real consequences if we do not look to see where we can stop the real threats to out freedoms and liberties...