Destruction & Sustainability Can Not Work Together

        Trying to believe in the world as a great & wholesome place has become tougher and tougher to do these days.  I'm not sure if it is because I'm older, or if it my lack frolicking free time.
        I have a much sunnier outlook on life than I have for most of the 3 decades I've been on this earth; I can not help but to feel the cycle of the ebb and flow of human exsistance is taking a turn for the worse.
        For all that time we were looking into prosperity  and a world of grand new experiences, I now see the ill effect of humanity balancing precariously back to a time of sadness and decay.  Where literacy was something everyone had, it has become common place to no longer have the ability to read and still go through life without literacy.  People spend hours on Twitter reading 140 character blips, but so few will spend that same amount of time reading a great full length work by a great published author.  We work too little to pay our bills or so much we don't enjoy the benefits of being employed. We have sex partners and fuck buddies but we distance ourselves from having a lover because they might get them too close to us.  People would rather watch the super rich fight with each other through a lens and a copper wire than have their mind expanded by something intellectual.
       I realize it is just a down turn and a lull after a long batch of wonderful creativity; advancements in the arts, sciences, and human dignity were everyday and revolutionary new break throughs came to us almost more rapidly than we could grow accustom to.  Sadly there were also advances in destruction, torment, harm and war.  We learned to turn "crime" into profit and make criminal prosecution lucrative.  We took the justice out of the justice system and made it about making money rather than protecting those who need the help of the the state.  Now the profiteers hold all the cards.
       It took great international and domestic shake ups to create change back when the world saw a total upheaval in its standards and practices in terms of human exsistance.  Democracy and sanctions against torture came to be the ruling way of life.  It took the bravery of those who were sick of the way things were and knew change had to take place for there to be a better world.  They took it upon themselves to bring to light the wrongs and to fight the tyranny when they know the odds were stacked far against them. They took to any means necessary to gain respect as a human race and be known as back bone of the empire they were apart of, and decided to break free from.
         But we have to watch out for needless and senseless loss of life in the changing paradigm. We must not see predation and stratification in society as natural and something that can continue at these gross disproportions. Unity and not conformity need to be our motto instead of letting them divide and conquer us.
       When we live in a time when we spend more money killing the poor than it would cost to feed them we need to realign our values live in this world of plenty to its fullest.  We can not joke about eating the poor when the food supply runs out.  We need to see where innovation will be rewarded over mass profit margins.  To sustain those that are brought into this world.  Where they can have a standard of living this world can sustain for them and t future generations we produce.  A disposable society is just that. Expendable and non enduring.
        We don't need a larger television when the lands that supply the food to our future generations shows signs of decay.  And the ability to create sustainably is only a scientific breakthrough away.
        And just like we saw the French of the 1700's killing and filling the streets with blood (only to do it all over again when nothing of real substance changed).  A revolution can not be centered in violence, it must be centered in change and progress for the whole of humanity and not a focus on the violent over throw of a political power that only has power when we give it control.   We need to have our eyes opened to that fact that war feeds those who are infinitely rich and steals the lives, minds, & souls of those who do the fighting while keeping those at home waving flags and rooting on the senselessness killing of the impoverished of the 3rd world for profit.  No one is a hero in war times.  Violence only begets more violence and this is something we must get away from to continue the move forward.  Destruction of the earth and our race through violence will not sustain us anymore.

Fort Hood, The President, and Death of Needless Proportions.

Tragedy is on everyone’s mind. What is to be said of those events that took place? Much. Too much. But at the same time, not nearly enough. Those who died on November 5th will be remembered not just today, but for history. These events were not like events that had taken place in the past; but many of the details have been lied about and only given has half truths to the American people. To not speak out about these tragedies, that align themselves with this memorial service, would be as Un-American as not taking the time to remember these fallen men and women.

President Obama stated many beautiful and eloquent statements during his speech at Fort Hood. Some of them, I feel, spoke to any American who listened; others would have been caught up into the emotion of the situation, and others would have listened and been astonished, taken back, and ashamed. He stated that those who gave thier lives will be remembered, and that they will be seen as heroes. All of that was very true. These were great people. Two of them were highly educated and very intelligent. One could barely speak English when he came to the United States but learned and went on to get a PhD. in psychology. A very challenging field when language can be a barrier. Another was educated in medicine and was so dedicated that he returned to serve only three weeks after a heart attack, all at the age of 62.

But, the ceremony was very religiously baised. Prayers from very Christian perspectives were given, and readings from the book of Christian basis were read several times. The President even made mention of god several times in his speech and said,” "No faith justifies these murderous and craven acts; no just and loving God looks upon them with favor". Sadly, this is very false. Even quoting the same book they used one will read the heinous acts of violence there in, such as:

God then told them to do the same to King Og of Bashan. The Israelites therefore "slaughtered them and left no survivor.” The book of Psalms cites these massacres as proof that the Lord's "love endures forever." In resettling the Israelites after the Egyptian sojourn, God instructed them to steal the land of seven nations. And he told them to "not to leave any creature alive. You shall annihilate them. . . ." As a result, the Israelites utterly wiped out various peoples. An example is when Joshua's army attacked Jericho and "put everyone to the sword, men and women, young and old. . . ." Later, the Lord told Joshua to do the same to the people of Ai. In obedience to the Lord's commands, Joshua's army did likewise too many other cities. The Israelites "put every living soul to the sword until they had destroyed every one; they did not leave alive any one that drew breath." If the accounts given in the Bible are accepted, there were millions of men, women, and children exterminated in this conquest of the Promised Land. Even forced sex is consecrated when, “So he ordered the soldiers to "kill every male dependent, and kill every woman who has had intercourse with a man, but spare for yourselves every woman among them who has not had intercourse." Shortly thereafter, God gave Moses instructions for distributing the captive virgins among the fighting men and the community.

Our president also stated that the shooter was kept alive so he could stand trial. This was to show how the American justice system is right and just. This is sadly very untrue. This man will stand trial if he survives to that time; but to anyone who takes the time to discern what was really going on, they will know that he was kept alive to be questioned; and to see if he was working alone, or with a group as a matter of national security and military intelligence. What they will not tell you is that he will probably be tortured to get the information out of him if he does not speak openly of what his motives were. I am far to say what he did was right. But to make a charade of the justice system further undermines the legal system that the United Sates uses, and furthermore, the bold faced lies of the Commander and Chief further undermine the public’s view of him. I know I would actually feel safer if he did tell us why this man was kept alive, and that every last bit of information would be gotten out of him for the sake of national security and safety. Sugar coating actions this serious has a feeling of making the American people feel less capable of grasping and comprehending the severity of the situation. It is just as bad/sad as when the Bush administration made us feel in danger at all times with “terror alerts” and grossly exaggerated claims of a country wishing to do harm to the United States with “weapons of mass destruction”. Additionally, that we should lean on the government because we could never survive without their complete control and our allowance of their decisions at all costs.

This also seems divergent of what really stemmed this war. It has been proven time and again that Iraq was not a part of the 9-11 attacks. They did not have the backing of Al-Qaeda, nor were they backing Al-Qaeda. Yes, they did meet a few times, but it was seen that they had “ideological differences” that kept them from teaming up together no matter what their “common enemy” was. It was just like the Black Panthers and the KKK wishing to get together because they believed unilaterally in racial purity; but they disagree so greatly on what race “is pure” and what religion is “right” that they could never work together.

Also, many soldiers enlisted to retaliate against those who were a part of the crashing of planes into the Twin Towers. Even one of those lost in the Fort Hood shootings is now famously remembered as saying that when she was told that she could not take on Bin Laden by herself she retorted, “Watch me!” I would hope that we can see that these soldiers wished to help their country. They did not wish to find themselves killing innocent women, children, and the elderly in a country that did not attack the United States. They now see that America’s involvement in Iraq as more “imperialistic expansion” than any bit of “protecting Americans from terrorists”. They know firsthand terrorists were not in great numbers in Iraq until it was seen by these extremists as a place where they could engage Americans in battle. Let us not lose focus of what is truly important to the American people. Let our sights not be taken from the real issues of life and death of our fellow Americans, (civilian and military) in matters of true importance, that affect the American people, not just today, but for generations to come.

Near Death and Thoughts

How interesting the change is. I remember being high school. I may not have looked the part of the nerd; but to know me, I was. I played in the band, spent almost all of my free time in my room reading a book, practicing the bass trombone, reading pen-pal letters, writing letters to pen-pals, or listening to music, if not doing a combination of all of these things. But most of my time was taken up by school and church. In both I played in the musical groups. If it was music, a Christian organization, or both I was involved. The whole time I was questioned about what I believed and how I could. If they encouraged me (in the collective student body I was a part of) it was to tear me down when I was not around, or when they thought I was out of earshot.

As I grew, I took more interest in things that did not just praise a man who was said to live in the sky and be the reason I was going to spend my after-life in the sky with him, I started to study psychology and Eastern Religion/philosophy. (They are intertwined exclusively because their practice is mysticism.) I learned the pleasant feelings one feels during the “religious experience” are only chemical releases in the brain. This same effect can be found in non religious people when they go to a musical concert. The combinations of the number of people in the congregation, the words used by those leading, the volume level and timbers of the music, and personal psychologies can practically be calculated to have the same (or nearly same, so it does not seem preordained by man) effect each time. It’s that warm, ‘loved’ feeling that comes about during the service. Of course, it will be stated that it is not always there...

But, I stated that personal psychologies are a large contributing factor. If one is not in the correct mind set, this effect cannot be achieved. This same point of conjecture has been used many times during church services; I had been to, to explain that god was not always as present in their lives. Their lack of religious experience was said to be due to not perfectly adhering to the specific dogmas of their denomination. In all actuality they were just not in the correct mindset to be hypnotized by the service.

Taking information like this, and other reading and studies I had done lead me to look elsewhere. (Not to mention actually reading the book Christianity bases itself on.) Once I got to college, I met a beautiful blond who had a genius level intellect and was practicing Buddhism. It seemed from our first time hanging out; we were meant to be best friends forever. She taught me parts of the world I had been long sheltered from. She helped to teach me of the things I had only read of in books. And when I was lucky, we would get to experience brand new things together.

Through new experiences and interactions I continued to grow and learn. Not all of these new experiences were good. A few were: working places full of drug addicts, being without any transportation other than my feet, and having my life threatened by those who are sworn to sever and protect lives. But in each I took away from it a great wealth. I saw why I never wanted to get into drugs, on a second hand basis, and learned the hard way about car care and when one is getting ripped off by a mechanic and what it was like to look at death.

During these hard times I had one very near death experience. (I have written elsewhere about the near death experience, so I won’t go into that here.) But several times I had my life threatened by those who wear a badge and carry a gun. Such as one time I was stranded on the side of the road.

My car was stuck in a mud hole, and no matter what I did I could not get out of it. I tried going forward and back ward but my car would not budge. When trying to get my car unstuck didn’t work I tried knocking on the doors of the businesses in the area. But it was late and no one was in. I started home on foot...

A while later a car stopped behind me. Being grateful that any one stopped, I turned, and looked at the vehicle for a moment, I walked towards the car. I was going to lean into the passenger side window, and see what the driver may offer as help. Before I got that far I had a mag-light and the barrel of a service pistol pointed in my face! I barely heard what the fat ass was saying for the fact that I was shitting myself from the shear shock and the extreme use of force!

After yelling that I was totally unarmed and that I was just stuck up the road (To which he told me he had already seen) he had me get into his patrol car and we went back to where my car was. He did not helping me get my car out of the mess, but he accused me of trying to break into ever building in the area. He proceeded to check ever last door and window for any sign of break-in in the whole area! Thankfully there was no indication of the sort inflicted by anyone because he would have pinned it on me!

It was easy to see that I had been driving, unable to tell that the mud puddle was a perfectly still pool and not a paved area. The lack of adequate lighting only exacerbated the problem. Plus I was rather angry that the fat fuck never indicated that he was a police officer till after he told me to get in his car. He did not have his cop lights on, or said he was the police even while pointing a loaded weapon at me!

Then there was the time my wife got out of the hospital. She was in a crash she was lucky to come away from. And after the shoddy care she got at the hospital, was lucky to be alive. As part of her recovery regiment she was told to walk as often as she could. I worked nights, so when I got off we went for walks. Though usually never a problem...

This night was a mistake! The college kids had just come back from mom and dad’s basement and were parting at full tilt. One reject decided his lack of being able to get laid due to lack of people skills, attractiveness, and any form of respect for any one needed to be taken out on the next person his drunken ass laid eyes on. He passed my wife and me on a bike, and started whistling and saying that he wanted to join us for a three some and loved how cute a lesbian couple we were. As he got closer he saw that I was, in reality, a guy and proceeded to tell me I was gay... Nearly perplexed, I turned and yelled to him, “You, being a guy, whistling to a guy, and telling him how cute he is, is gay. I am holding hands with my wife that you just thought was SOOOOOO hot. That makes me not gay.”

This infuriated this pink shirted bastard to no end. Trying to seem like a bad ass, he circled us while riding a girl’s bike. He kept taunting me, telling me my wife was a whore, and begging me to fight him. Then he got off of his bike and started to tell me to throw the first punch. I’m pretty annoyed by this point. But, mostly, I am worried about my wife, who still feels bad and has not even been able to return to work, let alone was in a state to fight with some drunken fat ass. As this sad joke continues to play out, I was starting to wonder what I would do if this turned into something real. I didn’t wanna get my butt kicked; but if I beat him up I’d be up for assault charges. I tried to play it cool, but when he shoved my wife out of the way and went for my throat, I shoved him away and my hand brushed past my phone! I didn’t usually carry it with me because a phone call during a walk seems to end its serenity. But finding that I had not taken it out of my pocket was a great relief.

I took it out and dialed the police. Once he heard who I was calling he tried to run off. In the attempt to mount the bike, he fell onto it three different times. After he had ridden away the police got there and surrounded my wife and me with guns drawn. They were yelling at me to stay where I was and not to move. It took five times for me to convince this guy that I called for him to help me!
After this long, and nearly pointless, exchange of words I eventually convinced this dense, gun totting, hack that I was in need of assistance; not to be shot! He then gets a message on his radio that they got the guy who attacked my wife and me and needed us to identify him.

When we get there the pink shirt is crying like a child and waving his arms around like some kindda nut. The driver asks us if that is him, and we tell him it is. He gets out of the patrol car and talks to the other officers at the scene. The pink shirt attacker is lifting up his shirt and showing some injury that is bleeding. After seeing this, the officer who drove us there walks up to me and demands that I give him my knife. I don’t have a knife, and I tell him so. I told him the pink shirt guy fell on his bike several times trying to get away. But, no matter what I said he was not convinced, and took me to the station. I spent all night in a cell, got finger printed, had to give a statement, and tell them I started the fight before they would let me go! Then, I had to meet with one of the university higher-ups to plead my case to him to remain a student! All that for asking the police to help me! I have never done that again! (As a side note, I later found out that the bike the guy was on was stolen from some local girl.)

Of late I have been talking with people I went to high school with. Most of them have kids, families, careers, and a new found love for Jesus! These same people were the ones who made fun of me for doing the same thing when I was immature and naive durring high school. Now it is the greatest thing that has ever happened in their lives. They LOVE Jesus and will not stop talking about how amazing he is and the paradise that awaits them. Nor do they stop persecuting those who do not believe what they do, constantly saying that hell awaits anyone who doesn’t believe just like them.

I cannot help but to just look at what they type and wonder what happened. These people should be wiser than this. Many of them went to good schools where logic and reason are taught. But now they insist upon an ideology far removed from logic. Back in high school they had a more firm concept of A+B=C types of logical proofs. They have regressed from where they were in their teens! And call me a fool!

I have been the one who has nearly died and had his live threatened several times. (By the “good guys”.)I have not finished a degree. (I really want to.) I have done all I can not to settle into life and become complacent; to learn and to be what I have dreamed to be and to not let my dreams fall away and die... But I am called a fool to no longer believe -the 2000 year old zombie who only showed himself to friends after being reanimated- story. Shouldn’t I be the one wishing and hoping for pipe dreams of paradise because I have come so close to seeing my life blinked out of existence? I have not quite gotten to that place I have always wanted to achieve. Shouldn’t I just want to sit around waiting for paradise to come to me? After all that has happened, that would seem the most logical, right? But that is not what I have chosen to do. I will continue to fight and rally for all that I want and desire. I will never give up.

But, I will end with saying that maybe what is logical is to say that they now have to hold onto these pipe dreams. Because if these dreams are true, it will be the only thing that will ever happened to them.

Simone de Beauvoir & me.

Of late I have been reading the works of Simone de Beauvoir and can not help but almost feel as if I am in love. To give you a little bit of her back ground, if you are unfamiliar with her, she was the woman that spent much of her life being Jean-Paul Sartre's main love. Each of them had many lovers other than each other but found that they spent most of their time and works with each other. They would have been married but Sartre belived that that was much too bourgeois and they never did.

I have been reading one volume of her autobiography entitled Force of Circumstance II. In it she speaks out against the country around her. They are engaged in a war with Algeria and the French army is torturing, raping, and slaughtering people of a poor and underindustrialized nation. She speaks out very venhemently against these atrocities and is found to be Un-French by her fellow countrymen. She goes as far as to denounce her home counrty and leaves it all the while doing her journalism for her and Sartre's paper fueled with articles about the horrors taking place in the hands of the French military.

I could not help feeling just what she is writing about in connection with the current war in Iraq. Our soldiers are doing just what we were told we would be liberating the Iraqi people from. We are only liberating them from their lives; if they are lucky. And one should know that I feel that life in the only thing that should never be sacrificed. It only comes about one time and living it is everything that you ever do.

Simone also speaks of an account she had with her brother-in-law who was trying the rationalize what was being done durring this war. He tried to say that the torture was only in issolated instances and that the military was only acting in ways that it needs to to combat a savage land and equally savage people. I heard these same things told to me durring my political ravings of administrations past and wars current. When she descibes what she was feeling physically durring, and right after, those conversations with her brother-in-law I could not help but know in absolute detail exactly what she was feeling.

I would suggest her writings to any one with any sort of leftist inclinations, even a slight acknowlegment of woman's equal rights, enjoys great women writers, or is one who takes interest in existentialistc philosophy and its application to real life situations. She is an amazing writer and to know that she wrote these works long before it was en vouge to do so by a woman makes these writings that much more powerful and impressive.