I'll Be Posting Again

       Well, my phone finally croaked off officially, my iPad isn't formatted for good formatting of blogs, & I was working far too many work hours to have free time to write. 

       Those things have changed now. I will be back to posting and letting my feelings flow on here once again. It has been a. Freeing experience to, once again, spend time with family, read books, and take in inspiring movies to help get the creative flow going again.  It has been torture not getting to write with the voracity I used to.   

       After seeing I have been getting many views of my page lately; I hope those who have come by have enjoyed what they have read and will be getting to enjoy more quantity of content in the future.  

       Please feel free to leave comments and let me know how you felt. You can also email me @ PaffordTim@gmail.com.

"Code 9" For The Public?

     The police have a code called Code 9 when they are in need of assistance.  This brings the entire force running to help the officer in need.
       Why don't citizens have a "Code 9" for when they are in danger from violence from a police officer? 
      All of us have read the stories of people calling 9-11 on the police and we read how it only added to the #s of people harming this victim and giving more people in the courtroom to tell a jury their actions were "just and necessary".  We know these situations are emensly dangerous to the citizen and we need a way to know we can be protected from these situations and have a rescue as quick as the police claim that they will respond to a need of help.
      Maybe we could push for legislation to have a force displined to save someone being harmed or killed by police before it is too late.  Maybe"Homeland Security" could have a unit that polices police or an all new unit to protect those 5xs more likely to be killed by police than terrorists?
       Will we really do something to save ourselves, or will we let things go as they are for as long as we are told we are "safe"?
       I doubt many in Germany during the 1940's thought things were as bad as they were till they were forced to see what their blind obedience did.

Homeland Security Officer Threatened Me For Wanting a Safer Homeland

       I reported some instances to him that I'd had a gun to my head on occasions that I felt were not acts that one could feel safe knowing who committed them.  I needed to inform someone in authority.  I wanted my homeland a safer place to be in.  This report (to a man of authority) who could do something about it; instead found my information to be a "threat" and "harassment".

He said:
"I am a consultant for Homeland security and a retired Kansas City officer. You contact me again with a message or threat and I will have you arrested for stalking and harassment. Any comment you leave in the open on a public forum".

       Another sad case of of the Police State hiding behind false titles of protection of the people.  They don't want to protect anyone but their fellow officers and they prove this nearly daily when they harm, rob, harass, kill, and torture us.
      I believe most of us would be shocked by statistics showing lives taken (or imprisoned) vs. lives saved or protected by men and women armed so heavily they look more like soldiers than the peace officers they claim themselves to be in media/entertainment propaganda.
        Have we become such an easily lead society that we believe these false claims of protection?  Do we really believe that a media who is bed fellows with the offices and officers would (in all actuality) report without bias?  All when the people they are getting their information from hold all the cards and evidence?  We allow this group to give us our information and don't even seem to blink that they would be hurting themselves to turn on the other and we are none the wiser when they hold information back from us....?
       Will we start to see them as dangerous and stop funding them?  Are we too afraid?  Are we like so much of Europe during the 1940's, 50's, and Africa?
      We stand by and let their horrible acts of violence keep us from taking a stand, voting against their funding, and making the public aware through any means necessary.  We live in an interconnected world and still fear to reach out or shake a boat. 
     Death by cop is a horrible way to die that is usually simply described by the media as "A police shooting".  Let us go into what the experience really is:
       A "suspect" (or victim) is picked and is shot with as much ammunition as the weapon will hold.  (There have been reported instances of officers reloading and continuing their assault after they have run one clip dry even after the suspect has shown no sign of anything but being in the throws of death.)  Then, while bleeding form numerous bullet wounds the victim is violently slammed onto their chest, has their hands aggressively restrained behind their backs with metal restraints, and stood upon as they convulse with the loss of blood to their vital organs and die a horrific and painful death.

       To me, this is one of the most violent and horrific deaths anyone could have to go through. All while their executioner wears a patch that claims to "Serve and Protect" and these acts would find anyone else on death row.
        In my world view, I see this act of murder as one of the vilest and most fully preventable types of horrific brutality and death that lives with legal protection. We live in a country we call free and brave.  It is cowardice and blind hatred that puts the lives of the average citizen at far greater risk than that of a "terrorist's attack".  For me, this threat of violence to ourselves and our families is far more a common reality than the fears put into us from the media.  It is a common statistic that a US citizen is 8 times more likely to die from an attack from a police officer than a terrorist. 
       But maybe, just maybe, someday the people will take a stand and stop this statistic from remaining true.  Maybe we can go to a time when we can feel protected by our police force instead of feeling a need to fear them.

Happiness & Sanity Are Full Time Jobs

There are so many people that are better before they are truly known.  I once hear that "One should never have a hero younger than themselves or they will be disappointed in who they find them to be".  We also must see that all people are human and are prone to mistakes and error.

Others are simply not ready for the public.  Their lives have caused them to be too scared of everything; they are unable to see life as happy and free.  When someone real does come into their lives they feel compelled to pick the relationship apart and see all the reasons they will not be able to find happiness in it.  Many times they push away the best option for an option they feel they fit better into instead of the avenue that would be of the best benefit for them.  Some of us may not be able to see why these choices are made; but most of us have not seen the major set backs and personal pains that these people have.  Their lives have been filled with too much misery for them to know true happiness.  They have created a shell around themselves to only accept what they feel safe and comfortable accepting.  The shell only allows so much happiness before it rejects the conduit brining the pleasurable experience and sometimes we will see them reject those who intend the most good.

No amount of regular experience seems to change this thought form and process.  It will usually take many years of therapy and counseling to unlock the ability of these people to find their true ability to find happiness.  Sadly, much of their life has already passed and the bills from the therapy have caused them to have too little materially for them to actively search for their new found ably to be completely happy.  Plus, they have often already rejected several who wanted to make them happy and had the ability to do so.  They also will not return because those people did take the initiative to seek new happiness and good experiences.

        Which do you choose to be?

Social Networks

A day writing can be the best day ever:

        Though I do find it sad that social networks are no longer fun play grounds where people can just let out their thoughts and emotions freely.  It has become a place where others can spy and judge us for our entertainment.  It would not be such a horrible happening if these judges did not also choose our fates, our occupations, and hold the keys to what many of us work so very hard for each and every day to provide for families and personal happinesses outside of entertainment.

         I do not find it to be a bother to have a dark sense of humor, or to enjoy the more carnal pleasures of another human being.  I've always found a belief that a country that is truly free will not needlessly punish victimless crimes and would harshly punish those who inflict harm onto others based upon rank in a society that allowed them this place of power.  But instead we live in a land where things seem backwards.

        We live in a culture that would rather attack itself than form together and try to take down the oppression that actually makes them unhappy.  I can't help but to think of those in prisons who torment and torture each other instead of forming together and making the best of a situation they can not escape.

         Advanced thinkers used imprisonment to write, to escape psychologically, and to share what they have created with others in their situation. It brought happiness to the others and brought accomplishment to the writer.  We do this slightly with movies, but they have become so impersonal, and large budgeted with special effects, that they are not the beloved stories we once enjoyed felling as if we could be the lead characters.

        

Infantile

        It seems so strange. Day in, and day out, it seems like nearly every where I look all I can are the theories of the philosophers I have been reading the past few years.  Jung did exhaustive research on the individual.  His work proceeded Frued; who's work proceeded Nietzsche.

        The more of Neietzsche I read, the more I see how greatly people do lie every day.  The one they lie to the most is themselves.  I see so many around me, each and every day, that have to prove their insecurities in broad and dramatic fashions just to (somehow) prove they they aren't the losers they really are.

        Then we have the group of individuals so symbiotically linked to the people to whom keep them afloat that they seem almost as obnoxious as those who have to broadcast their problems to the world.  For these individuals they pack all the need of world social acceptance into a handful of people they hold to for dear life.  Has a happy middle ground died?

Crank Problems

       Ya know, I've lived in the middle of hill-Billie, cousin fucking, white trash living, daddy dick sucking, home-less, crank land; but I have never once been tempted to crank it up on crank.  (Even after having many offers.)  I like my teeth and semblance of sanity too much.  Looking like a skin cover Skelton is not my kind of life where looking for your next hook up is all you can look forward to.
       I know I harp on law enforcement a lot; but GD am I ever sick of having my cars searched when I show no signs of being high, while people can walk the streets and be out in public under a cloud of obvious drug taking.  Who the fuck wants to smoke automotive products cooked with cold tablets anyways?!?  Jesus people!!  Your lack of self control grosses me out to no end.
       If you want to do that, feel free to turn yourself in and stop being a total psycho around me as I try to work.  Get some self control and go to rehab before you're forced to!

Thinking Again

        Time seems to fly by for me so quickly.  These days I find myself working non stop.  There is not a day that goes by where I am not at my work place.  I am there from at least an hour a day to 14 straight hoursaday. It causes me to miss my family and makes me wish it at least paid me enough to feel like I am working for something worth the time I put into it.  At this point, it Isn't.
         I hope that changes.  I hate to think I have been missing seeing my child grow up for a waste of time.  I took the job because I was quoted enough earnings to feel that I would be really providing for those I love.  But now, I'm not seeing it worth the missed experiences of their lives.  Sometimes I wonder and think too much about what I am missing out on.  A child is only young once.

Killers Amongst Us?

~Dennis Lynn Rader


~Gilles de Montmorency-Laval

 . .  . After all the craziness that has been going on in my life of late (A Recap) it has gotten me to thinking about what type of world we live in.  We are surrounded by people we believe we can trust, but can we really trust them?  Are we safe to trust these people as they walk with us in our society?
    Did you know that the BTK Killer walked amongst us for ten years and worked for law enforcement?   He was a trusted member of society entrusted with the safety of others.  (And installed security systems for ADT Security services to keep the BTK Killer out of the homes of clients.) This man was supposed to have passed psychological testing to ensure he was fit for the job he was entrusted with.  He was on our streets, with a gun, tools for restraining people, and a rape kit, "protecting" us.... All while on a tax funded salary...  Scary thought isn't it?
      If that isn't scary enough, this guy was famous for trying to get caught!  The man was sending letters to the chief of police in the largest principality of his home town and was putting evidence in that man's car trying to become famous for his heinous acts.  Dennis Lynn  Rader was trying to be found, worked under the very noses of those "Searchig Diligently to find and Stop  Him", was on the same pay roll as the forementioned group,  and was a fairly predominant member of the local society!!  So, why wasn't ge caught for decades? 
       (I could go on and on about how that makes the law enforcement look .  For them to be a money making department over being truely trustworthy for the protection of our society. We know finding a killer isn't a money making  deal, and this case was in reality a "back burner project" because a department will actually loose money catching a killer.  But, I will leave that for another time.)
     History if full of vicious nut jobs parading around, armed, and in plain sight like Gilles de Montmorency-Laval.  This man was a hero of French Revolutionary times.  But, because he was a war hero and publicly very close to the Pope, his evil killings of children went without  detection for nearly a decade.  Because the victims were the children of the poor, and the killer was of the highest classes, those who could have stopped him made no attempt for fear of political  ramifications.  This man betrayed Joan of Ark  to death, killed up to 600 children after sadistically sexually abusing them, and was still upheld as a hero until he finally made a political enemy that stopped him and exposed his true being.  But at what cost?
       I would hate to sound like a paranoid, but let us look at these 2 figures.  Both are people we could be walking shoulder to shoulder with today.  These men only needed to blend in and have a high enough rank in society to live amongst us and rape and kill for enjoyment.  How many members of law enforcement are getting away with rape and sadistic murder on the tax payers dime?  Who will stop these thieves and murderers?  I am loosing faith in the departments being able to police themselves.  Only in television do departments really hold their officers accountable. Will it take voting?  Will it take an exposure of the truth?  How will we get to this information?
      This story sadly reminds me of an old high school buddy of mine.  We were in several groups together.  He became a Marine and became a cop after his time in the service.  He bragged about killing people of in countries.  Even the one he is sworn to protect.  Can we take away their lethal force?  I'm sure they wouldn't let us.  That is how they control us.  Through fear of death, murder, imprisonment, and theft.  I want to live in the country that is as free and brave as they claim we are.
     

Musicians, Music, a Passionate One

   I can not say enough about my love of music.  My innermost passions are for the art form and how it relates to every other level of being.
    When I was young I played the trombone at least 2 hours a day.  I loved it.  I loved how I was talented at the instrument.  I had a natural ability to have a warm and well rounded tone right from the beginning.  Speed of tempo was an issue at 1st, but that was only because I was moving my entire arm instead of just my fingers for that instrument.
    All the way through high school everything else took a step back.  I played in everything that was available.  I was in the church orchestra, all 3 of the high school bands, and I played in the "pit" for the musicals.
  I still wish I had taken the time to be with family, or make friends, or did more intellectual reading instead....  But my life revolved around playing that trombone.  I had added the extra challenge of learning the bass trombone, but it still didn't help me lack of interpersonal skills or social interactions in anyway but make them that much worse.
    I took my talent of playing into college as well.  Every school I auditioned for offered me money to  attend classes at their location.  But, I didn't take the time to learn that the best schools were the bigger and better known schools.  I didn't want to go where those that I knew were going....  So I went to a budget school where I had a fellow musician friend living nearby.
   The music program at this college didn't really interest me or keep me focused.  I wanted to learn how to write better songs, not how to figure out what progression a composer from the 1500's was using for his chants and remedial compositions.
       I wanted to learn other instruments that were more commercially viable. I wanted to sing songs that I wrote and to play on a stage with 2 to 3 other musicians and not 30-50.  I wanted more fans in the audience than players on the stage.  I ran out of patience and left.
     Learning in my own seemed to be more rewarding.  I also created better styles and riffs from teaching myself.  It took years, but I got together a rock band just like I'd always dreamed about.  I moved to the singer's roll and the stage show was set.  It didn't live forever, but it was a great piece of expressionism and rage.  Our Album 
     The album took far too long to record and we decided we wanted to go other musical directions.  The "sound" never formed and our bassist became a ragging alcoholic.  That chapter was done.
      Music became an art form to enjoy, but not preform, for years after that.  I'd engross myself in the talents and passions of others who were like gods to me.  I hung on every word, line, and progression.
    Now it feels as if the whole thing has come full circle.  Now I love to play the bass trombone again.  I teach kids how to play and play church gigs again.  They pay now, and the love is just as strong as ever.  Maybe I'll be back to writing the material and performing it again.  It is all a matter of time and finding others with the same passions and dive.  But until then, I love the opportunities I have and the natural talents that I have been given.  It is such a blessing to entertain others with my playing.